A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a bit of a problem. I have been dating my boyfriend for six months now and have known him for almost two years before we started dating. I don't have trust issues with him, I know he would never cheat on me. My problem is the other night I had to work but before I left for work he told me he was going to hang out with one of his friends, which is a girl. I know who she is and all he asked me if this is ok? I told him him to me it doesn't feel right with him going out with another girl and it isn't the fact I don't trust him its just the thought of him and another girl alone. I told him that I felt jealous and he said ok, later when I was at work I asked what he was doing, he went out with her any way! He asked if I was mad I said yes, I told him how I felt about it but he went anyways. He said he would never go alone with another girl alone and next time I can go with. This is awkward to me, I don't know how to feel or what to think. He would never do anything to hurt me intentionally, why would he go out with her anyways after I already told him how I felt about it? I don't know if I should be mad upset or let it go. He did say he was sorry. I just don't know.
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male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (28 August 2011):
 Glad it got resolved, your very welcome :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did talk to him about it today, I explained why it bothered me because I have been cheated on in past relationships. He understood that. I also told him that I was sorry it was partial my fault for being selfish and she is just a friend and I shouldn't keep him from his friends and I know it is no fun to go out alone. He did apologize for not listening to my feelings and how I was feeling at the time. We agreed that next time a situation like this comes up again we should talk things over before things ruffled up. We have a great relationship and neither of us want to throw this away. Thanks for the advice!
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (27 August 2011):
I am dubious as to whether your entitled to feel like this to be honest and that's not for the reason Chi outlines, lack of understanding, but its more a feeling this is crossing a line into a controlling zone. He shouldn't have disrespected your feelings and gone against them, I agree with that, but your request, in and of itself is unreasonable in my eyes so you kind of did create the situation (not that this justifies his actions) by making an unreasonable request.
If you trust him and I am taking it on faith that you do (because your attitude here suggests you, in fact, may well not) then what are your rational grounds for imposing this restriction other than the fact you don't like it? I can only conclude that comes from the sociological conditioning that if two people of the opposite gender are left alone for even a milisecond they might descend into an orgy of illicit sex (the premise is absurd as I have made it sound). You have no real reason not to like it and saying he can't do it is unfair. Are you saying 'no you cant go out with a singular girl' but you could a group? Are you saying its ok with a guy alone? If so, what if he's bi? Alone with a guy might lead to the same. If so, that seems a little irrational. In fact, as I have indicated you need to actually examine your position here and its obvious inconsistencies before you talk to him about it.
Speculate on how you would feel if he imposed the counter-rule on you. You would probably feel a wee bit controlled and ticked off. Since you nothing is going to happen, again, I have to ask, what are your grounds for this other than it being your will? I submit you have none. Since he is doing nothing other than hanging out with a friend which in a healthy relationship should be an act that incurs no penalty (no matter the gender of that friend) I think you need to ask yourself if your being really fair here. Sorry, but I dont think you actually are. Sorry if that sounds harsh, good luck :)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 August 2011):
 Here's the mind of a boy. They're simple, no offense. They just don't get the fine printing. He wanted to go out. He didn't want to go alone. Going out isn't the same as being alone with a girl, not in his head anyway, so it shouldn't be a problem. He went out, she happened to want to go out as well, it's not like he planned to have a one-on-one evening with her.
He doesn't understand why you are mad. He says sorry to cool you down, but has no idea why you are upset to begin with. You need to explain it in simple terms. If you fail to explain it to him you need to let it pass, otherwise he'll get confused and not know what will upset you or not in the future.
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