A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Does it bode poorly for a marriage that neither my fiancee nor I really had any sexual chemistry at first? We knew each other as friends while she dated a few other people before she claims that she saw me in a sexual way. On my side, it was hardly lust at first sight either. I always found her pretty, but not really sexy because of her sloppy style and the fact she always wore her hair up. It was only when I saw her with her hair down getting ready for bed one time when I saw her differently. Since then we admitted we found each other sexy, but that chemistry has really waned in the intervening time. Is that something all couples go through or were our first impressions important? I was never a guy who made her hot in the way she admits some men do and, while I am hot for her now, I was not always.We get along outside of the bedroom just great. She thinks sexual chemistry is unimportant, but I am starting to have second thoughts. I want to be with a woman who desires me. Is that shallow? What's most important in a marriage?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): I have been married a long time. The chemistry and lust does fade. Life and children and responsibilities get in the way of everything. Your relationship is no longer the focal point as it was in the beginning. Other factors are taking up your time and focus. That's just the way it is. It then becomes work to schedule couple time and bonding time etc. You also become more tired and bored of the routine and of your spouse eventually. It is way more challenging to keep the love and lust alive over time. Everything is magical in the beginning but it can never always be this way. Think about it: If you're eating the same meal every night for the rest of your life, you will get sick of it. That's honestly why so many people cheat. So if you don't have it in the beginning where the other person really wows you sexually, it is not good footing for a fulfilling and long term relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): I am the original poster:We are not really sexually active, no, although we have had sex. However, that is not to say that we are just friends or roommates. We have shared things about ourselves we would never share with a roommate certainly and while some people probably have good friends of this kind I have never had a friend this close to me. I do believe there is a lot of love between us. What there isn't is a lot of sexual chemistry. I don't feel she sees me in that way and there have been other woman who captured my fancy in ways she doesn't really. On the other hand, I chose to be with her and not them because I didn't connect emotionally. Do most married couples really have the whole package where they lust after each other instantly, eventually fall in love, and then continue to desire each other sexually while maintaining that love or is that a fantasy? I'd especially like to hear advice from someone who has been married for a long time.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 August 2011):
 I think being compatible inside and outside the bedroom is important in a relationship and in a marriage. It might wane after years of marriage and change over the years, but me personally, I wouldn't imagine being married to someone I don't feel love & lust for. Unless you want to be married to a good friend/room mate.
Are you two at all sexually ative? Or waiting til you get married for that?
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