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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Last night i told my boyfriend of 10 months that i had been raped before we got together and that is why i do not wish to have sex before we are married as i am scared and any time i think about sex i see His face. its horrible. Even for my boyfriend to touch me makes me shiver. I just always go back to thinking about it and ive hidden it for so long, it just came out. he was shocked and told me "you must've led him on. what the hell did u think was gonna happen when you went upstairs with him?!" I was so hurt. He started yelling at me telling me it was my fault and that that only happens to stupid girls who choose to ACT like they're sluts but then dont follow thru when the time comes and that MAKES the guy force them. I was hysterically crying and he grabbed my shoulders and shook me and screamed in my face telling me im easy and a slut and deserve everything that guy gave me. I felt so disgusting. I called my stepsister to come take me home and I just told her I was crying cuz we broke up. I dont wish to tell anyoneeeeee else ever again that I was raped. The reaction I got from him is exactly what I was afraid of. Now today at school he told his friends bad things about me I suppose, because any time I see them in the hallways they said "slut" or "whore" or "liar" or "dirty" and made other comments. I am so confused. What do I do? How am I supposed to act around my now EX boyfriend? How do I control whatever rumors are surfacing? I cant deal with anyone else knowing about this, I feel disgusting even thinking that I told him. ugh. I'm so confused. Please help.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (21 November 2009):
 what a disgusting group of little turds your ex and his friends are!First up tell your parents, if they dont know about the rape tell them, and tell them about this boy and his friends.If your school has a counsellor or a chaplain go see them as well. If none of these are available, phone a rape help line, it may be too late for you to do anything about charging the rapist, due to a lack of evidence, but they should be able to give you some advise on how to deal with the situation you now have. You dont have to go through this alone, call somebody and get some help, and in the meantime, hold your head up high, when the name calling starts develop a severe degree of selective deafness, and as for the ex boyfriend, just hold onto the thought that what goes around comes around - -- I am not overly religious (like most Australians) but there are so true gems in the bible, such as as he sows, so shall he reap.Get proactive not reactive. Best of wishes winging your way
A
female
reader, rose the relationship solver  +, writes (21 November 2009):
 your ex bf is not very supportive then if he thinks all that about you. being assulted either way is the worst thing for a human being to go through, it was not your fault you got raped...most lads want what they cant have and then suddenly bamm it hits you, you think there being nice or supportive and then there between ur legs to put it bluntley...or some spike drinks. look im sorry what you have gone through no girl has to go through that and whom ever sexually asssults another person needs serious help, and tell a teacher you can rely trust and thing will get sorted. good luck for the future darlin
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female
reader, MsFrankie +, writes (21 November 2009):
 Oh my goodness, what a horrible boy you have gone out with and what an ordeal to have to go through after you have already had to go through the ordeal of being sexually assaulted. Have you ever been to counseling to talk to someone about what happened to you? I would seriously recommend it - if only to make it less scary for you to think about and to enable you to gain some control back over your sexuality and sex life. Your ex boyfriend is a very immature young man. It is never EVER your fault if you are sexually assaulted - in any way, shape or form - please do not listen to what he says to you. I hope you have nothing more to do with him. I'm sure that as he gets older and wiser he will feel very sorry and ashamed for the way he has treated you. Talk to your teachers in school about seeing a counsellor - you will not need to tell them what it is for. Remember that you have nothing to be ashamed about and that it will get better with time - and you will be able to have a loving sex life in the future when you meet someone understanding and patient who is grown up enough to put your feelings first. This one sounds like a silly little boy who didn't know how to handle something that turned his world around. Move on and look after yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): First of all, know that it wasn't at all your fault.This guy and his friends are obviously ignorant idiots who don't know what they're talking about. Rape was not your choice, it was something completely horrible that I'm sorry to hear happened to you.What you do is ignore his remarks, and his friends' remarks. I wouldn't suggest even being around your ex, so you don't have to act any sort of way around him (since you won't be around him). You can't control any rumors, but you can put out your side of the story...you don't know what exactly he said to them to make them believe you're a slut...you don't know if he lied or if he said you were raped.I think you should talk to somebody you trust and get their advice. Since you're in school, also, you may be able to see a guidance counselor or a school psychologist if your school has one. Telling people might be scary, but it will help you realize what a jerk your ex is, that you will find someone who will help you through this, and that you have nothing to be ashamed of and you can eventually have sex or do sexual things (whether it be before or after you're married) without having your rapist's face pop into your mind.I hope this helps, and good luck to you.
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