A  ,
*elsi
writes:This is a follow up to questions in the past. It is to give you a better idea of some of the things my gal is saying to me. We are both females.Soooo, I hope you can shed some light for me. I am in love with a friend of mine. However she is married but no longer loves her husband. There are no children at home as we are both middle-aged. Anyway I told her I felt more for in back in Jan. and she denied that she felt the same way.After I told her how I felt she toned down her e-mails to me but has picked up again. I have since visited her (in another state) for a week while her husband was away on a business trip. We had a great time together, not intimate.Anyway she says the darndest things to me that lead me to believe that she feels more, she says enough that I feel like she is holding on to my heart. Below are some of the things she has said to me that make me believe she feels more. Please review them carefully and if you could advise me as to what you think is going on with her.She says I am her best friend ever, but some of the things she says confuses me. She did tell me that when she was younger she had a chance to be with another female but didn't because she said "that's not me". I feel very strongly that she is denying her feelings for me, I suppose they scare her to death!!!Thank you very muchHere is some of what she say's!!!1. Cheer Up sweet Pea!!Love and Miss you way more than you know!!!!!! :):)2. Love and miss you LOTS!!!!3. I told you before that John and I are just pretty much living together. Our marriage changed a long time ago!! Actually about 6 yrs ago. So I just make the best of it!!!! I have no desire at all! 4. LOVE AND MISS YOU TONS!! WISH I COULD SEE YOU!!:(5. Don't tell me you aren't sweet! I know better!!!! Yes the tears were good ones! You always know what to say!!!!! Love and miss you a BUNCH!!!!6. How cute!!!! Almost as cute as you!!!! LOVE AND MISS YOU TONS!!!!7. Love and miss you lots, lots, lots and lots!!!!!!!!!!8. You don't know how much I would love to come visit and have you pick me up at the airport!!! YOU JUST DON"T KNOW!!!!!!!I will try to relax!!!! Love and Miss you too much!!!!9. I am always talking about how GREAT YOU are!!!! And what a GREAT job you always do!!!! Love and Miss you 10. Well, I sure do miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wish you were here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't ever worry!!!!!!!! I won't forget you ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just get so busy! please forgive me!!!! But I LOVE YA!!! don't forget that!11. If anything ever happened to John, I could move to WI and we could be the managers!! Now there is an idea!!!!!!!! We would make a great team!!!!! Love and Miss you12. Sweet dreams. Love and Miss you ton too! P.S. loved the other e-mail!! cute!! but not NOT AS CUTE AS YOU!!!!!13. Talk to you later! I miss you more than you will ever, ever, ever, know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Later Gator!!! Love ya!!! :+)14. It was nice to be with you and for John to be away. Just us girls!!! But it has been a very sad day for me because I didn't want you to go! My heart felt empty all day. Love and Miss you!SOOO, those are just some of the things she has said to me. Why if she knows I love her would she say those things if she didn't feel the same?? I feel like she is trying to hang onto me but can't admit her feelings.Thank you for your response and insight!!
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female
reader, stina +, writes (10 October 2007):
 Hi Kelsi,
I wonder if your friend is just really confused about her feelings at the moment because of what is happening between her and her husband. She may very well be interested in you, but the first thought that came to mind was that she is reaching out for someone to lovingly support her and just doesn't know how to really go about doing this. Maybe she craves the attention that you give her. But, I'm not really sure what's going on, to tell you the truth. Sorry!
I think what you should do is tell her what you've written on this site. You don't necessarily have to give her the link, but I would definitly draw her attention to the confusing signals she's been sending to you.
Perhaps you two can get together and you can explain all of this in person. Let her know that you care deeply for her as a friend, but that you still care about her romantically, as well. I would let her know that it's really confusing you to see and hear her say the things she's been telling you. I would explain to her that even though the both of you went through a period of not really talking too much, your feelings for her did not just diminish. If you want to remain friends with her, tell her! But make sure that some kind of boundaries are set so that you know whether or not you really should move on.
Also, to add onto what I just wrote about moving on. You really should try to do this anyway. At least, until she is divorced. Falling for a married person usually doesn't lead to anything positive. It usually just leads to a whole array of negative feelings: heartbreak, jealousy, anger, wondering if there's something wrong with you, etc. Not exactly a great relationship.
Perhaps you may consider distancing yourself from your friend until you can overcome your feelings for her. I know that this is most likely something that you will not want to do. But think about it, will you feel better with her in your life and knowing you will not be able to have her? Do you think it would help to get over her if she was not there all the time? I know that it's hard to think straight and really know what's best for you when you're in a situation like this. But that's what you have to do: do what is best for yourself.
If you think that you can get over her by remaining friends, then by all means go for it! Just make sure that you're not setting yourself up.
So in short - talk with your friend, tell her your feelings, ask her questions (and let her know it's okay to do the same!), figure out if it's in your best interest to stay in contact with one another. This is one of those situations where it's going to be really hard to think with your head and not with your heart, but you have to try.
Take care.
A
female
reader, sophief5  +, writes (10 October 2007):
 i can understand that you feel confused when she says stuff like that you.
she may have the same feelings towards you and just doesn't want to admit it!
you should tell her how you feel about what she is saying.
hope this helps you in anyway
sophie
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