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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend watches porn and i am not happy about it. i think he watches far to much even though he has me. i am willing to experiment, but he chooses these porno girls. i have told him i hate it but he says it fine and natural. is it?i am also concerned about how much he is spending on porn. i was on his emails and there were four 12 month suscriptions at $90 per year(dont know £). he also spent £12 on the phone in girls.i hate it but he doesnt care. is this normal? if not, how can i tell him he's an addict.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): When he's spending money on something which you can get for free then that means he's addicted. Plus he's phoning these girls and interacting with them. That's a step too far.
OP if this is a dealbreaker for you then you have to go. He's not going to stop. He already knows you hate it. So why are you still with him, because you hope he'll change? No chance.
I watch porn all the time, so does my girlfriend but we're both okay with it and we have very strict rules about it, including not paying for it, not letting it effect our sex life and also not interacting with another person. If our views on it were as different as yours and his are then we'd call it a day because we just wouldn't be compatible.
I couldn't care less if people think porn is bad, good or they're indifferent. They're welcome to their beliefs and opinions. It's never had any negative effects on my life nor my sex life and it's never been a reflection on the girl I'm dating.
You and your guy are just not compatible if you hate porn and he wants to keep using it. Especially the way he keeps using it.
Do what I would do OP and just go. Because if I was dating a girl that completely hated porn I'd leave too and find a girl I was more compatible with because there's just no possible way to come to a compromise. He stops he'll feel controlled, he'll feel trapped and annoyed. He doesn't stop then you'll continue to feel insecure and like you're not enough for him. You just can't win.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (29 April 2011):
 This sounds like the beginnings of an addiction. The moment it starts to interfere with your sex life, even the most hardcore of porn defenders will likely agree the porn has got to go. He should not prefer to "test" his fantasies with porn over you. As well once it gets to the point where he's paying for it, you know there's a problem.
Porn is not natural. To be natural requires that it occur without human intervention, which it doesn't. Both of you would probably be surprised to hear not all men watch porn, it's closer to 70-75%. And religion and health play no part in those people's decisions not to watch. Porn addiction is fast becoming one of the most common addictions in the population, with between 8-10% of the total population addicted and around 15-25% of all porn users addicted or having a compulsive problem with it. Neither of you is alone.
Pornography is really potent stuff. It creates a true addiction and actually rewires your brain. Watching porn and masturbating to it does the same thing to your brain as cocaine. None of this is your fault in any way, just the same way alcoholism or any other addiction is no one else's fault but the addicts. If he ever wants to fix his addiction, the best route is counseling. There are many websites and forums for compulsive porn users, and many books that can help. He has to seek it for himself, but you can try to help him along.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (29 April 2011):
 You have to ask yourself if there really is anything worth having in this relationship. If he cared about you, he would have given up watching porn, because no, it isn't natural, despite what most people claim, porn is and always will be unhealthy in essence.
It's his opinions, his excuse, that watching porn is healthy but it is getting in the way of the relationship and whoever you ask, any expert you ask will tell you, the moment it starts interfering with your life, porn becomes a definite problem. So you have to ask him whether or not watching porn is more important than having you around. I would tell you to leave anyway because it isn't just porn is it? He's also been using the phone as a sexual outlet hasn't he?
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (29 April 2011):
 Totally normal for him.
Totally not normal for you.
You not comfortable, he is.
He's happy, you're not.
The only thing you two have in common is a box of tissues.
Call it or get used to it.
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