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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I've got a huge sex problem.This is going to sound incredibly pathetic and I wish I'd never started this whole thing.I'm 18 and a virgin. Thing is, I lied about it: all my friends think I've been having sex for a while.I know the obvious answer is to come clean, but I can't possibly do it! I've been thinking about it constantly and it's defnitely not an option.Recently I've been having chances to have sex with really nice people - boy mates - and I really want to, but I'm worried that:- I'll be terrible (which you wouldn't expect of someone who's had sex as many times as I've said I have.- I'll bleed (which will, of course, give the game away).- I'll be tight and it'll hurt, so they'll know.I have no idea what to do and if anyone could please give me some advice I'd be INCREDIBLY grateful! Thanks. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, My Thoughts +, writes (11 January 2007):
if u wanna chat bout this contact me asap i'll be happy to help and u'll be greatful
A
male
reader, paddy +, writes (10 January 2007):
if their true m8s they wont worri that youve lied wat ever u do dont lose yr v to this fella if he aint worth. yr 18 not 40 youve got plenty of time to find the rite guy and if he is go with the flow and try to enjoy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): im im the same position i have many mates who have all seem to have lost their virginity many of my friends have questioned whether i have but i seem to tell them no. My mistake was to say yes. within days i found many of my friends thought i had lost my virginity. i found that the way i could get around it was to change the subject whenever it arose maybe you should try it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): If a boy doesn't like you because you are a virgin and he is pressuring you for sex, then he wants sex, not you and he does not really like or care for you..
Some boys want to appear to want sex but when it gets right down to it they really secretly respect you for telling them no, getting them off the hook to have to have sex with you, and sometimes if you say yes, they go off you out of loss of respect, hurt that you would give it away so easily and sheer disgust mixed with fear...
It is best to be who you really are and to tell it like it is, the truth is never something you have to remember what you last said because it is the real deal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): i too have the sam prob i am to 18 but they all think i have gone frther than i have i have a boyfirend but he seems to think i am diferent to what i actualy am he wants to go further but i dont no how to tell him i guess i shoud but i think he would go off me and i really like him i too dont no what to do .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): i dont no what i should do you say you've been having sex alot well i have a boyfriend who i really like and have for ages suddenly i start losing interest and he start to love me he want to have sex with me but i am a virgin what do i do any tips. Will it hurt or effect me. Is your first time scary.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (7 January 2007):
 You need to stop stressing about all this! It doesn't matter what you've told people, they won't find out the truth unless you tell them. Don't have sex with boy mates, it's stupid. You'll not only lose the most special thing to a young woman but you'll also lose mates too. This is a bad idea, you need to wait and find someone who you didn't lie to and take things from there.
It really isn't that unbelieveable that an 18 year old hasn't had sex. Many people lie about having sex too, so don't worry about that. I would hope that you have a close friend who you can tell the truth to though? If not, keep your mouth shut, people don't need to know!
From now on, don't tell people anything. This is not the kind of question adults ask each other so don't worry about it coming up in conversation! Just be honest if they ask you and go with the flow.
As for the guy knowing that you are a virgin because of your vagina, some girls are still tight and it hurts a bit for a while. Plus, your cherry is sometimes broken before sex anyway but tampons and sport. At 18, maybe yours will have been? Either way, you don't need to worry about it because the person you're with at the time won't have been lied to, hopefully!
Good luck and just relax about all this. Don't rush into it just to make this not a lie. It's silly. Let me know what you decide.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): First off the main problem besides you bragging about having sex, is that your concept of being a virgin is that it is uncool at your age, that not being one gives you power, especially over men, and makes you seem older and more sophisticated than you are.
This concept is played out in movies and TV and so forth, most of us mature adults realize that this is supposed to be a joke....you on the other hand don't have the maturity or life experience to comprehend that being a virgin is no laughing matter and is nohing to be ashamed of.
Really I don't have respect for girls who go out and lose their virginity to some random boy just to get it over with, this has been going on since at least I was 18 and it is just really stupid and kind of sad.
You don't become a better lover or great at sex over night, and inexperience never stopped two people falling in love or even getting a date so the whole idea of worrying about that does not make any sense anyway..Furthermore, everyone is different in what they like and sex has to be worked out every time you are with a new partner, you get to be inexperienced each and every time you have sex with someone new to some degree, so again losing it to become good at it makes no sense anyway.
I think you are doing a real disservice to yourself and to your friends who may feel the same pressure as you do to become non-virgins, you are perpetuating the whole myth that it is uncool to be one, that it makes you more sophisticated and older than you are and that it makes you experienced and have power over men.
It is all a lie.....tell the truth, be a man, or woman and admit that you think the whole thing is overblown and stupid and you are waiting until you have a boyfriend that you are in an exclusive committed relationship with and you want to do it because you are in love and feel ready to take your relationship to that next level.
But to go have sex to perpetuate the myth and you lie is just plain stupid behavior and you won't gaing anything by it except a nasty reputation for being easy....
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