A
female
age
41-50,
*olamads
writes:I am a lesbian, and my girlfriend of 3 years, I just found out has been cheating on me , she's moved in with the other women a block away from me and they got married today!! All in 6 weeks!! And they say they are soul mates!!! How would you feel about this?? Cause I'm so hurt and confused. I thought we were in love while she was off cheating!!
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lesbian, moved in, soul mates, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Hi Nolamads
Thank you for the update. Come back here any time you need any support.
Hope things get better in the new year for you.
Time heals so much. But that's not much help when you are in the very very hurt initial stage of betrayal.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): I'm sorry about this but forget about her. The time spent on worry about her can be spent on finding your soul mate ! Go out there. . . Mingle!!! A little !
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A
female
reader, Nolamads +, writes (31 December 2012):
Nolamads is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for you understanding and words about my crazy situation!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 December 2012):
 I agree with Abella, and I'm truly sorry you were cheated on. That is one of the most devastating, traumatic events I wish nobody had to go through.
This won't be consolation now, but it will in the future, so I'll say it now. If your ex-partner of 3 years cheated on you, left you, and got married inside of 6 weeks, her life is about to become one royal hell on earth. I say this because the fantasy of an illicit affair generally withers in the cold light of an actual relationship. A relationship takes work, fortitude, and longevity. An illicit relationship takes none of these things. It's the difference between stealing food and working all day for a good meal. Now she's about to learn all the not-so-good parts of her new partner, and it's going to be a very big shock to her. Of course, she'll flake out like she just did with you, and sooner or later, she'll get herself into something she can't get out of.
Like I said, it doesn't help how you feel, and so you'll mourn, be angry, feel betrayed, you'll be tempted to become bitter (don't let that happen!), but look at the bright side -- you deserve to be loved by someone you can trust. You deserve someone more mature than some woman who jumps from arms to arms and gives herself away so easily and cheaply.
There's a very good reason why we take time to get to know our partners before we marry. It's because it takes a hell of a lot longer than 6 weeks! The whole time she was cheating on you with her doesn't count, because illicit is not reality.
If she flakes out on her new partner, DO NOT TAKE her back. I predict that this will happen, because she is a flake. MANY people who cheat, leave their partner so quickly to move in with their mistresses experience severe buyer's remorse and try to unscramble the egg, so to speak, to get back with the one they left. Don't do it. A relationship is built on love AND TRUST. Can't have something special without trust.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (31 December 2012):
It would make me feel exceeedingly betrayed and I would be very very hurt if this had been done to me.
Temporarily it would shatter my confidence and shatter my belief in my ability to 'read' people.
After three years one usually knows just about everything - and yet she kept secrets from you.
Why did she never voice her dis-satisfaction? That was gutless. I imagine that you feel very very hurt. As you should.
She must have lied to you and she surely knew she was not satisfied and yet she kept you in the dark.
I could not forgive just a partner. The ex-part ner would be immediate history to me. I would not even listen to excuses. And never ever contemplate resuming the relationship at any time in the future,.
She's done you a huge favor. Be thankful it was not you standing beside this cheat at the wedding ceremony. Because a Leopard does not change her spots. She will cheat again. Feel very sorry for her new partner.
Now it is your time. This time your heart ruled. Yet there must have been many times when your ex was busy or unavailable.
Next time take the time to assess more of your next Gf's actions.
Not just her words and any predictable flirting.
Look for inconsistencies.
There are some not negotiable milestones.
If you are in a relationship it is normal to be introduced to friends and family, where appropriate.
It is normal to spend time together for birthdays, valentines day, christmas.
It is normal to find time to enjoy activities at weekends or some days off.
In the early days of a relationship, at least.
Make sure that you look out for a girl who is open and honest. And is not too tricky. And spend time with her with her existing friends - how she treats her friends is often an indication of how she will treat you eventually. So if she is nice to the face of A, but is then catty about A once A has left then she will do it to you, usually.
Look for a Gf who is willing to openly share discussions with you on subjects and talk in ways that show respect towards you and others.
So as we all learn from experience I do hope you find happiness with your next Gf.
In the meantime be extra nice to you. Pamper yourself with something that gives you happiness.. (my preferred option is 3 hours at a day spa - a friend of mine prefers to run up into the hills and then jog home - each to their own)
And maybe choose some new activities, hobbies or volunteering that will bring you into contact with new sets of people - and where you are less likely to meet your ex or friends of your ex.
My good wishes to you
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (31 December 2012):
If there is one thing I've learned in my life it's that rejection is hard for everyone on the planet, it can make you feel like something is wrong with you, among other things.
But, you have to remember that often it's not that. Maybe they are both similar in a way that really appeals to them? I'm sure that such a person is out there for you, maybe even a few blocks away, you never know. But there are so many little things that make people different that you can't make this your fault (unless, of course, you really did something wrong).
When my past relationships have ended I always wondered what happened, what was I missing, would I find someone like them again, etc. Every time, I found somebody even better than the last one.
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