A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys I wonder if you can offer me some advice regarding this matter.I have known this woman for quite a few years and we use to work together. In this time we were nothing more than friends.In the past year we have become close and have slept together a few times. I admit I have feelings for this woman. And I have told her that. But she told me she doesn't feel the same and just sees me as a friend. Now I'm confused and angry because I feel stupid cause I've told her that I do have feelings for her and wanted to start a relationship. But she doesn't feel the same!.I feel angry cause we have slept together. If she wanted to be "just friends" why did she allow me to cross that line?.I decided to ignore her but today she has started to text me again. I don't know the bast way to handle this situation. I really don't need this rubbish in my life nor do I want her to think that everytime she texts or calls that I'll go over too her. I've always treated her with respect and never considered her a bed buddy. So I'm not going to start looking at her in that way now.Just confused to what to do next????
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female
reader, myboyfriendsacnt +, writes (2 May 2013):
Wow, I've been in this situation but as a woman who had a great friend & colleague ( at the time) really get the wrong impression & it caused big issues.
All I can say is we didn't sleep together but 1 night I Did get tipsy & kiss him / say some inappropriate things that I regretted immediately. I told him it was a mistake the next day but the months that followed were more than tough.
I know this is hard & crass but I want to b honest. If she isn't interested in more....then you asking for more will do nothing but boost her self esteem & leave you feeling helpless.. The more you chase her the less respect she will have for you & you risk losing dignity too.
I would hold your head up high, don't make an issue of it & resume contact with her when you are happy & settled in life.. Why waste your time on someone who shows so little Interest in you romantically, spend your heart on someone who is the happiest girl in the world to be there.
X
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 May 2013):
 You tell her you can't handle being FWB and that you want more so you have to walk away.
that's how you handle it.
everyone else is right... she wanted some companionship, some fun and games and you did not.
If she lead you ON to believe you were more than friends in order to get you to have sex, then she was wrong, but I'm sensing that you just ASSUMED that she would not sleep with you if she wanted only friendship and after the sex your feelings grew and you assumed that she felt the same.
I sense no deception on her part, only your getting hurt because she wants FWB not a relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): You have to learn to figure out the difference of just having sex or building a relationship with the full package in mind. You should of been really clear about this before you got into her pants. I am sure she would of told you that it was a friendship and that romance and relationship building wasn't going to happen. Again using my relationship as a example when I first started dating my present boyfriend and after the third date when everything was starting to click he took me out for dinner and even told me he had something important to tell me. I was worried. Oh, what now? It wasn't nothing bad but he recapped on what we had done together in the past and he plainly said he wanted to develop a relationship with me and wasn't interested in the friendship programme. He went on to explain his reasons for not being all over me like a wet dish cloth. I could see he was getting emotional and that he was truly being sincere. I looked him in the eyes and told him how I felt about him at this point in time and that I wanted the same thing. And the rest is history almost three years later. Oh, just a fyi we never got intimate until almost our 7th or 8th date. Was it the right thing? I believe so because my boyfriend couldn't of handled intimacy any earlier than that. Contrary to what everyone may say sex is not just sex. Good-luck, on your decision.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): What's confusing about this or reason to feel angry about? She allowed you cross a line?
The feminists are going to hate me for this but you sound like a woman OP, man up. You really thought that you make her love you by sleeping with her, or that having sex and getting intimate is somehow a sign that she wants a relationship?
Is it her fault you slept with her without establishing boundaries first? Is it her fault she doesn't have feelings for you? No.
You got fucked by your assumptions, not her, you should be grateful she gave you some pussy OP, not being bitter because she gave you that but doesn't want a relationship. You should have found out the deal before you took that step. It's your own fault for assuming this would lead to something more or that sex automatically makes this a romance. Women like to get their rocks off just as much as we do.
You want a relationship, she only has friendship to offer. Well you don't have friendship to offer because you're bitter now, throwing you toys out of the pram and blaming her for all this.
Time to move on and next time be a man about things and make sure you know what something is before you do it. You had sex with a woman without knowing where you stand with her, who's fault is that?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 May 2013):
 I can't see why this is all her fault either. But I get it that it hurts when someone doesn't like you back to the same degree.
She sees you as a FWB, nothing more. Since you want more I would suggest you cut it off with her. No more sex, no hanging out nada.
Find someone who WANTS what you want, she isn't it.
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