A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:so i meet this guy on a temp job in my city. knowing full well he works alot, and will eventually leave..we discuss what i'll call "an arrangement". because of his job/life path hes chosen, he has no time for a relationship, sad, really. but we agree the attraction is mutual, we get along, lets just enjoy each other while we can. i had no intention of trying to change anything, i knew he would leave and i knew that feelings would develop. i felt the respect was there, open and honest from the beginning, both of us, which actually made me appreciate him even more. i respected the rules, and realized his lifestyle was not one i could contend with , and in no way did i ever act like a clingy gf or push for more. i began to notice him dropping hints about other men in my life, him admitting to driving by my house, the way hed stand there not wanting me to leave, the way he touched my hair,etc. it wasnt long before he acted strangely. i gave him alot of space, and assured him we could end it at any time either one of us became uncomfortable. he began telling me that he felt guilt, that he felt he was leading me on...but when id tell him we should end it, hed say no. last week he stood me up for a date, then gave me a lame excuse, and i called him on it, i had every right to be mad. well the one day he DID have off (works 7 days a week)he took me out for most of it, we had an awesome time, and he was an absolute sweetheart, which made up for it.... i was able to have sex with him, to go on dates with him, and ask for nothing, to leave afterward, etc. of course i had feelings, but i accepted it for what it was. after our date, he told me he wasnt feeling well, coughing, medicated....so a couple days later i called and asked if he was ok. the next day he messaged me saying he couldnt see me as much because of his work routine, needing sleep, etc, that hed hope to see me soon. i responded by saying "thats cool, let me know what works for you, hope to see you soon also" no big deal, ya it hurt, but i kept my head. now with all the honesty, upfront discussions, i never expected to log on late last night and find him online! there was NO NEED to be anything but honest with me, and i felt insulted as a human being, not as a lover. i in no way was disrespectful and expected the same, just be honest. yes i know i entered the danger zone, i got what i deserved so to speak, but i thought our arrangement was beneficial to us both. i do not understand why he had such a problem with it, or why he felt i deserved to be lied to, as i never expressed disappointment with our situation. his subtle hints led me to believe that he too had developed feelings and didnt know how to handle it. am i wrong? just looking for answers here. btw, i dont intend on keeping contact and have blocked him, but im not sure how to handle him if he shows up at my door. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): There aren't really men out there who are going to tell you to your face how they are losing interest and how they are chasing after other women instead. They just start pulling away and that could be by not calling or cancelling on you or disappearing. From his point of view the signs are obvious enough for you to catch on. He's also not your boyfriend so he doesn't feel he has to break up with you.
A
female
reader, Jennifer Bianca  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 Darling you need to have more patience and mutual understanding.i think he's a good guy with both positives and negatives.good luck!
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