A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A few years back I was with a guy, great looking who was very attracted to me. I didn't love him so one day I left him saying we should meet when we are both more mature in judgement.(as in HE)Ever since I was in destructive relationships and I ended up heartbroken.Last year I met this guy again after having not seen him for 4 years to discover he is still attracted to me - something sexual rather than love - and me still not feeling anything for him.I fear I will not be able to build myself a family, I actually doubt I can get close to anyone and trust him. I was thinking that if I hit 35 and I am still single and with no chance of getting married and/or having children, I could take advantage and have a kid with this guy.(we never had sex) In the end, the least I can offer a child is mother love, a pretty face and wits. I don't want to trap him into being a father. I would eventually let him know, leaving it open for him to take part or not in the kids' life.Do people still judge harsh single moms?(I am now 29)
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 I don't think the problem is how people might judge you. You are thinking about things like that because you don't have a child. When you have an actual child, your priorities will change.
What you will find is that the worst thing of all about being a single parent is the lack of the other parent for the child. Yes, sure, there is more work, etc, being a single parent, but that is the easy part. The hard part is trying to make up for someone else's absence, and never being able to.
So, my advice is that if you really don't find anyone else (although I suspect you may), then no, it isn't a bad idea to have a family with this guy (as opposed to not having a family at all), but I think that if you are considering him as father to your child/ren, then you should also consider being with him. You say you don't love him, but a hell of a lot of relationships start out like that (I am thinking arranged marriages, etc.) - and some go on to be very successful. So the fact that you find him attractive but don't 'love' him may not be so important. If he loves you and your children, that isn't a bad deal.
We are talking priorities here. To me, the children are the most important. Having them, and making a happy life for them. With a mother. And a father. All under the same roof. Loving them.
As you have identified, there comes a certain point in your life where your own romantic needs fade in comparison to the greater need of having a family. A good family gives you all the love you need, I think.
Are you sure you can't love him? ; )
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 As a single Mom, I find that people do not judge me, but it is a LOT harder to raise a child without a team mate and a great male role model.
Many women have a baby to experience Motherhood if there are no prospects of marriage and family in the near future.
But, do your homework and think it from every angle possible about what would be best for the child you want; not just you.
I would strongly suggest you do not ask the ex to Father your child. It is wrong to take advantage of another human being, just to get what you want. That makes YOU look bad.
Seek out a reputable sperm bank where donators are screened and you have NO emotional past or possible legal entanglements.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI meant I met again my ex 4 years later and I still don't love him. Sorry if it didn't get out this way.
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A
female
reader, alienfromarea51 +, writes (24 August 2011):
Hm???? I do underestand that may be your bilogical clock is ticking but don`t you think you are thinking kind of immature? Why don`t you just start to date a guy and see, may be you can love him and have a real family with him. How do you know that you don`t love him? If you don`t even know him?
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