A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was with my ex for 3 years, we broke up around 4 months ago. I loved him so much, at the time he was everything to me! My best friend, my entire world. We broke up because he moved away, and I think some time before that I had subconsciously decided it was going to end when he left and got used to the idea. What still shocks me now is that the day he left It's like I got over the whole break up straight away. It's been 4 months and already i've completely forgotten what it was like to be in love with him, I haven't cried at all since the day he left and I just dont feel like I miss him. I had gotten a new job before he left and had been working 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. I put it down to this, And me not having time to really take it in and feel what I was supposed to be feeling. Also, For the 4 months i've been seeing a guy that I work with. He has a girlfriend and I know for a fact that i'm nothing more than a bit on the side, yet I still meet him / have sex with him like it doesnt bother me. It's like i've lost all respect for myself now. It scares me how I can be with my ex for 3 years, break up, then a week later have sex with this other guy and feel no guilt towards my ex and not want to be with him afterwards. I have sex with this other guy, but I wont cuddle, hold hands or do anything cute / intimate with him. I don't know myself lately. The person I was before / during my relationship with my ex never would've done this to herself, she was classy and smart and actually had respect for herself. Every time I try to call it off with this guy I find it lasts for about a week then I give in and see him again. What am I doing and why can't I stop? Does anyone have any idea on what might have happened here, and whats made me this way? why i'm not feeling the emotions I should over this break up? i'm so confused, any advice would be very much appreciated. thank you so much in advance.
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female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (10 February 2013):
You are Numb over a lost love and untill you are able to cry you will continue to remain numb. Yes you are confused and hurt. I would suggest that you would see a counsellor to help you at this time .Having sex is not the answer and will only confuse you more .Best Luck Nora B,
A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (10 February 2013):
 Hmmmmm well I think the first thing is that your assuming the process of getting over your ex started with when you actually broke up with him which it obviously didnt. You say " I think some time before that I had subconsciously decided it was going to end when he left and got used to the idea"so, in other words you're answering your own question. Ive been in a similar situation, I knew my last relationship was going to end four months before it did, I did get upset, but not over losing the relationship, over my own sense of powerlessness which the inevitability of it all engendered. Given your prior preparation I dont think your expectations of what you should be feeling are entirely realistic nor is your perception that your "feeling nothing", you obviously are, or else you wouldnt be in your current situation with your 'friend'; they are just being expressed and being expressed in non-conventional ways.You seem to be taking out all your feelings on what your doing with this man, your self-destructing and doing something your in control of (possibly to compensate for your perceived lack of control of what happened with your ex). I see your sex without affection with this guy as a way of punishing yourself. Stop beating yourself up, you obviously are, I doubt there was anything you could have done to save things with your ex.
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