A
female
age
30-35,
*eartbreaken
writes:ok i had cheated on my bf a while ago and today just told him and he take it the way that i though he would. He hates me and i know it and i derseve it and and im a loser and cheater and i hate myself.he had ask me once and i told him i didnt and i did so now he hates me and he wont talk too me and i am really sorry i feel like a ass and i want to tell him that i only love him. but how can i do that cheated. do u think we will take me back.I though telling would make it better but it didnt. getting it off my chest was a big mistake it selful and i feel so bad i could die what should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): you just threw away 4 years for what...........some meaningless shag?? i hope you learnt from this. cheating only messes your life.
A
female
reader, heartbreaken +, writes (25 September 2009):
heartbreaken is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for of ya question...but some of u think that i am caring about my self and i am not i dont him to get back wih i would cuz hes the other boy that i had ever cheat i am only 19 years old so i know that i have to make mistake to learn them i think that me and him would hold each other so i will let him more on ....but my heart archs cause i still love him and i dont think that i will ever date for a long time.i dont have time for relatetionships right im not happy with myself so until then i will just be in a couple with myself that 4 years of a ralationship that i will love bu have 2 let go....
do u think so
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A
male
reader, kwkid133 +, writes (25 September 2009):
I'm 20 and I have been in a similar situation, only from a different angle. I was the guy that the girl was running around with behind the other guy's back. I fell in love with her the first time I saw her. We became good friends, and ended up having an affair. That was about this time a year ago. The affair lasted on past New Years, then her boyfriend heard rumours about she and me from some friends of theirs at their church. Things went downhill between me and her from there. We never speak anymore (We go to the same university; I saw her today, she just turned her head and kept walking) It really hurts, I miss her very much. I know when confronted by her boyfriend the first time, she lied. I don't know if she ever came clean with him or not, but I hope she did. It's not fair to him. Any relationship that is based on lies will not last. You did the right thing by coming clean. It shows that you care enough about him that you can't stand the thought of lying to him. I know that she was mixed up, he wasn't showing her much affection, and she began to question if he was who she wanted. That led to her running around with me. I felt like she should leave him (even if she no longer wanted to be with me) and date around to make certain what she wanted. I told her that when things started going downhill. As far as I know she hasn't ended things with him (she's been with him for three years). Because I know this about her, if I was certain she had outgrown that phase in her life I would be back with her in a heartbeat. I know she's not the type of person to cheat. Just the fear of missing out led her to make mistakes.If this describes you, its probably best for you to date around. We are young still yet. There's plenty of time before we need to worry about life long commitments. Play the field, that way you know for sure who you want and what you need in a relationship. However, If you're certain that he is who you need and want to be with, then I have this advice: stay away for a while. Give him some time to work through it. If he loves you enough, he may be willing to work through it. Give him a few weeks, maybe even months; then call him. This will give you time to think through things too. If he does take you back, never, ever cheat again. If you feel you're not happy then break up with him. Don't put him through that. I don't know if you will find any of this helpful, but I hope you do. You can message me if you like. I might be able to give a little more insight than that. Good luck, and don't stress to much: it's just life, and it all works out in the end one way or another.
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A
male
reader, MyDestiny +, writes (25 September 2009):
 Pinktopaz is exactly right...confessing wasnt the mistake..cheating was.Just learn from your mistakes and move on in life.Maybe if you wouldve told the truth the first things wouldve ended differently. But life's a big geometry class, read take notes and learn from your lessons.
good luck - ardy
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A
male
reader, MyDestiny +, writes (25 September 2009):
Pinktopaz is exactly right...confessing wasnt the mistake..cheating was.Just learn from your mistakes and move on in life.Maybe if you wouldve told the truth the first things wouldve ended differently. But life's a big geometry class, read take notes and learn from your lessons.
good luck - ardy
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A
male
reader, spurioux +, writes (25 September 2009):
Yes, I have to agree with topaz. You f'd up by cheating in the first place. If you care about him you should be concerned about what you did to him and not how you feel about it now. Look, women are always going to have tons of guys hitting on them and they don't care about your commitments and most of them will never care about you anyway.
My advice; Move on and try not to hurt anyone else.
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A
male
reader, Confuzzled012 +, writes (25 September 2009):
 No it was not selfish. He needed to know what you did to him and it was his decision whether or not to be with you, not yours. He is not likely to take you back. That sort of thing tends to deminish all trust and make any remaining of that particular relationship and even future ones, full of paranoid and insecurity. You have to move on and learn from this. Hopefuly this will teach to never do something like this to someone ever again. Our actions have consequences. For every action there is a reaction and we have to deal with them. You've done something that in a lot of peoples' eyes is unforgiveable and you just have to deal with not being forgiven. I'm sorry. Things will get easier, your future relationships will be better.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 September 2009):
Telling him the truth wasn't a big mistake, cheating on him was a big mistake. Take it as a lesson learned, cheating is bad and causes someone who loves you to hate you. My ex cheated on me--I do hate him and think he's disgusting, and would never want anything to do with him again. I'm sorry, but he shouldn't take you back and if he does then you're the lucky one. So the only thing you can do is try to move on with your life, you made a mistake and now you have to pay for the consequences.
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