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I thought my friend was gay but found out he sleeps with women. I'm attracted to him, do I say so?

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Question - (28 March 2012) 2 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2012)
A female Australia age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I have a gay male friend and we're really close.I have been attracted to him since day one of knowing him but obviously i tried to keep my thoughts in check, knowing he's gay. I knew that there wouldn't be much chance of getting with him considering he's into other guys.

That all changed recently when i saw his post on a social networking site that made it clear to me that he is fooling around/sleeping with women. I was shocked coz i thought he was 100% gay! And he's never said anything to me that made me think he liked women. Well not really. So now i find myself jealous. I'm embarrassed to admit this but i'm jealous.

I don't know how to deal with him now. :( He doesnt know my feelings and i feel weird. i never asked him about his interest in women coz im afraid of the answer. I don't think i can handle hearing him say that he sleeps with women. you know, the truth coming from his mouth would kill me. And i'm afraid i would say something like "What about me?? I want to be with you!" lmao.

I just need some help from you guys, if possible. How do i deal with these feelings? How do i deal with him now that he's changed? And can i try something with him of a romantic nature? (we do flirt a little sometimes)

Thanks for listening, everyone.

x Annabelle

View related questions: flirt, jealous

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012):

Don't you think if there was a remote possibility he wanted to get with you he would have mentioned being open to women? He's kept that from you so I would take that as him not thinking of you in that way.

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (28 March 2012):

TasteofIndia agony auntHere's my thought on this:

Perhaps he's gay, as in he enjoys having relationships with men. But, doesn't mind fooling around or having sex with women. So, I don't think that he's going to suddenly turn around and want a relationship with you... maybe he wouldn't mind hooking up once in awhile - but I suspect it would never go further than being an occasional booty call when he's bored and can't find any hot guys he is interested in.

So, if you really enjoy the friendship, I would stay his close friend. Going any further would just screw up your friendship, and you'd just turn into one of 'those' girls who he probably doesn't really care about. They're just for fun when he doesn't have anything else going on.

Good luck, sweetness!!

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