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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: please tell me if im being totally ridiculous.My boyfriend is part of an online reality game, called second life. Hes joined for free so can only 'make money' by winning games etc, which is hard. Every little bit is like treasure to him.The other night i was away for a bit, and he was under the impression i wasnt coming home (staying at a mates), but i came home, let myself in, and before entering the room peeked through the key hole (like to catch him out if hes porning the net!) He was playing this game - no big deal, but when i walked in, he logged off at the speed of light (and i managed to see some stripper lapdancing on his character)Wasnt too sure as he logged of so quick. i was like, log back on, what are you hiding. he looked guilty as sin. Eventually, after locating the mouse he had HIDDEN, i forced him to log back on. so i could check some stuff out. He was very uneasy about all this, couldnt remember where he was when i walked in, then he could, then he said he was playing blackjack - major story changing.i also noted his password to the game. I decided to wait till the following day to investigate further, but he had promptly changed his password! Now this gave me more reason to be suspicious! I managed to create my own character, and this game is just all about sex sex sex. oh, and there are games to make money. i managed to get into his game account, where i found he had been tipping pole dancers!20dollars - money he works so hard to get!he tipped about 5 (bearing in mind he only joined 4 weeks ago. now, im sorry but i find it totally wrong!i thought he was innocently playing little games (which he does in front of me) to make money to buy his charachter nice clothes etc. when i made my character i even went to the stripper he paid - pretended to be his brother, and she told me she knew him and how nice he was! I know its a game, but its real people talking etc. Theres free sex rooms, and he cant understand why i dont believe hes having 'cyber sex' for free (he paid a stripper) hello. Am i being daft about this?i am fuming, and im deleting the game now!thanks, sorry so long!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2007): ALSO - (its the person who wrote question)- my comp is messing around -
also, I knew about second life from the moment he joined. He played it in front of me. i had no problem with it. all he did was play games on it to make some money, and then go buy stuff. ive now figured that as soon as i leave the house, hes involving himself in sexual places on the game. chatting to and paying poledancers/escorts etc. and may i say, whatever chit chat goes on with these escorts, is coming from his mouth to theirs - its a game yes, but the conversations are between real human beings on other computers. I dont know whats being discussed - and them being what they are and all, i highly doubt they chit chat about the weather, do you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2007): Its Me, the person who wrote the question,
I live with my boyfriend, its OUR room. The reason why i checked throught the key hole is because a while ago, i went off to gym, he was cleaning his football boots, in his room so i kissed him goodbye, and left, then realised i had forgotten my gym card so went back to the room - only to find the door was locked, i said - open its me... he said wait.. and took ages, i looked through the keyhole, only to see him watching live webcam porn. I was very angry. He claims his porn days are over since he met me.. thats cool, but i still have the urge to look through the keyhole, sometimes, just incase. sorry, but if men act that way, they cannot blame there other halves for being insecure. ALSO
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007):
How do you explain the spying in keyholes:
"but i came home, let myself in, and before entering the room peeked through the key hole (like to catch him out if hes porning the net!)"
That was before you knew anything about 2nd life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): hello all, and thanks for your responses. Like some have said its the secrecy. If he werent secretive, id have no reason to be suspicious. Its not only the fact he pays these girls, its what does he say to them. What communication goes on between them. I tell you its not about the weather. And i still think that if hes chatting sexually to all these girls, its wrong. end of.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007):
I agree that he should put a password on you keep you from snooping.
No one is saying you have to date him- but stop you sneaking and snooping and peering in eyholes.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (4 January 2007):
 I know the game you're talking about. You use real money to buy game money. Did your boyfriend spend $20 in real money to tip? That's pretty low... $20 for pixelated porn??? I agree it is a form of cheating. Obviously not as bad as the real thing but still bad enough to make someone's blood boil! What's worse is that he's gone all secretive and everything and is locking you out from finding out the whole story. And to top it off, he refuses to talk!!! Breakdown of communications is totally not good in a relationship. Now you cant even try to solve the problem.
Have you tried getting him to no longer use that game? If he agrees, then you can lock it out on your router (assuming you have a home network). Then you wont have to worry about him going through this again
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007):
Here is some background: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_life
I logged in once but didnt really get it and havent been back on but I know Dawn and Drew talk about it all the time, and I think its a mis-charactorization to say its all about sex.
The "20dollars" isnt really money is it- just Linden dollars, right?
Anyway I think you are being way too sneaky and controlling for this relationship to work out. You should with break up, decided its not an issue or work to an arrangement. Under no circumstances should you continue like you are his mom searching his room for porn.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007): Yeah, well hes not the 'talking' type, that is for sure, tried to talk bout it and he was ok for like 5 minutes, i asked him why he tipped her, he said cos she helped him play pool (he hadnt played before - and the pool table is near the poles - for dancing)so i said ok. then i said, then why did you tip her the second time? - he said cos she was talking to him. Im not buying it. He then got huffy and refused to let me log on as him. Point blank. I said why not, all you need to do to keep the peace, and for this to be dropped is to let me log on and check something. But he wont. I will find a way though. trust me.
Oh, and now he says hes putting a password on the computer so i cannot use it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007): Although it is just a game, after reading the post It still does seem like he's cheating, because they are real people. You dont know how long he's known this one girl that you've talked to, what EXACTLY he's been doing with her before you saw them. I would investigate further, and sit down with him, ask him to tell you the truth about this game. If it bothers you that much, he really shouldnt have a problem deleting it.
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