| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I've been with my boyfriend for a year, we've had a lot of ups and downs, like most relationships. I have an intense fear of losing him, causing me to be almost abnormally jealous at times. So I feel like I put restrictions on him, he doesnt go anywhere without me, he asks me what I want him to wear, doesnt ever go out anymore, I have him on a leash it seems, and he obeys everything when it comes down to us, I love him so much, I dont want to put any restrictions on him, I want him to be free to do whatever he likes and still trust him. But even after he has done so many things for me I find it impossible to trust any man for that matter. What should I do, I feel so bad about the way our relationship is.
View related questions:
jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (4 January 2007):
 I think you need to get some professional help to sort out why you are feeling so down on you and other people. These are your problems: you don't trust him, you think he's going to run away. Maybe it's because people you love have always walked away from you? Whatever the reason, you need to get this sorted. It's not fair on him or you for this behaviour to continue and this will ruin every relationship you ever have if you let it go on like this.
As for him, doing everything you say like that, he obviously loves you but, as you say, you need him to be happy and have a mind and a life of his own. He will get stronger one day and sick of all this and he will resent you for all the restrictions you've put on him through the relationship. Everyone gets tired of being told what to do in the end and it will not work out if this continues.
This guy must be crazy about you and you seem to love him. I don't know why this fear of losing people is so strong for you and you need to find this out. Only then will you be able to trust someone to do their own thing and know they are coming back to you at the end of the day. You cannot control someone's life through a fear of them leaving: if they want to cheat or leave, they will do it anyway, whatever you do and treating him this way is more likely to push him into the arms of someone else.
Good luck and get that help asap. You can work this out, you just need to start loving you again before you can love or trust anyone else.
|
