A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:20 years old and I just broke up with my bf because he was abusive. I thought I would be free of his abuse, but I'm not. His abuse has escalted!!! It has got so bad, I am constatnly shaking, feeling faint and dizzy, out of anxiety and fear. I never thought he could get this bad...but obviously he sees no reason to pretend to be mr nice guy now that it is over.He is going out of his way to hurt me and abuse me. He is using websites like Facebook to get to me, and using our mutal friends. Sometimes he will directly contact me to abuse me too. I have never seen him like this before until now. Like sure, he was abusive in our relationship, but not to this exstreme. I just feel so scared. I dont knwo what he will do next. I feel like im hanging on the edge of a cliff. What do I do? He is also trying to turn my friends against me. When we were dating, be befriended alot of my friends, and they grew to like him alot-hes a VERY charming type of guy. They dont see him for who he really is like i do. And i never told them what he was like, because i didnt think they would beleive me. Nowthat we have broken up, he has told them lies about me, and has got them to take his side. He has got them doing his dirty work for him too...by passing on cruel messages. On top of all of that, woudl you beleive that he has got me feeling like i am to blame? He tells me it is all my fault. He says im too sensitive. He says what he does is normal. He told me i would never find a better guy who would treat me differently. He said i am to blame for his actions. And then, he just flat out denies all of what he does. He told me i am selfish for breaking up with him. He says i must nto care about him because i am putting myself before him. So as a result of that, I do feel bad, like im a bad person. I just dont feel like I can handle this. I cant stand this feeling anymore. I need it to stop. I cant cope, i cant deal with it. I feel like im about to fall to pieces. I dont want to get out of bed, I dont feel like I can face anyone or anything. I cant even sleep at night...and that is effecting my work. I can easily see myself loosing my job, and failing university this year if i dont stop all of what is going on. please help, im desperate!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 March 2009):
 Don't talk to him in person. There is nothing he can say that you need to hear. If he harass you on facebook, contact the web support and see what they can do.
Tell your friends and family why you broke up. They need to know. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OFF!
He has what is called narcissistic tendencies ( google narcissist and I bet you the description will fit him to a T).
Ignore him. Block his calls, e-mail, block him from your face book.
If he gets threatening towards you - get a restraining order. I know that seems excessive, but he is upset that he lost control over you and is trying to regain it, that is why he is using your friends to get back at you, why he is making up imaginary girl friends etc.
STAY away from him.
Sooner or later he will find another "target" and move on. The more upset and scared you become the more power he regains. He's a sick puppy. Let him go.
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (12 March 2009):
 sorry - hadn't read your later post.
mine told me he had an incurable illness and was going to die in 6 months time. i believed him. i know. it's almost funny. almost. only my father was actually dying too, and had to have his leg amputated, so it wasn't really the right time to lie to me like that. : (
if he wants to say sorry, fine - but do you need to meet him for that? i think you are just his point of interest at the moment - if not you, he would be playing with someone else. and it infuriates him that he hasn't got you at the moment.
i think it's a poisonous relationship and he has to go, completely. tell him he can write you a letter or email or something, but that you don't want to meet him.
sadly, i don't think you can trust him at all.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (12 March 2009):
You absolutely must talk to a friend or your parents today. Today. Now.
You must also call the doctor's and make an appointment asap. If they say 'oh, in two weeks' time' - say 'no, I need to see someone today or tomorrow, as I feel desperate'.
You should also go and see whatever counsellors or student support officer they have at university.
If you have a good female doctor (sorry to all you male docs, but in some circs women need women) - if you have such a doctor, she will be invaluable, and will help you, because you need support from your friends, family and university, and you need counselling for the emotional damage he has done and is doing you.
You are basically scared of him, but the way he is, he has also tried to undermine your sense of self. This is really really horrible - the same happened to me, only I didn't get any proper help, and my university career was ruined as a result, and I also ended up in wrong relationships later on because of what had happened with this guy.
I promise you it will be ok, but I so seriously think you should tell your friends, your mum, your doctor and a university support officer how you feel. You need them all to help you now, and to sort this out.
As for the bloke - yes, you must forget him, but of course you can't while he's still getting into your life and being horrible. That's why you need others - (1) to help you get rid of him and (2) to give you perspective, and cheer you up.
And you need the doc for counselling - she can set this up. I had the same - sitting on the floor crying not knowing what to do feeling utter despair and like i was a total disaster. You AREN'T - it will all be cool, in a while - it could be cool very very quickly, actually, but you need help to see it this way.
Email me if I can help at all. Be calm and talk to those who love you most.
nx
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate:- He told me he has a new gf (yes thats right, one day after we break up!). I never replied to him when he said that, I just ignored him. Then, 3 hours or so later, I get a message from him saying he doesnt really have a new gf, that was jsut a lie. He apolgoises for everything hes done. He said we need to talk and that hes sorry and wants to apologise to me in person...
I dont know what to do. I guess I know I shouldnt talk to him because no doubt, his apology wont be genuine- hes just saying he wants to do that, when in actual fact he will find som way to abuse me. However, part of me thinks what if he is being honest- it would be nice to hear him acknowledge how i feel for once.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): You are anxious at the moment about when this will ever end and I promis this is just his initial reaction. He won't feel like threatening you forever and ever. It will pass. For the meantime, if you feel physically threatened, you should seek help from law enforcement or at least talk to a law enforcement officer about your concerns. This is appropriate in your circumstance.
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