A
male
age
41-50,
*nowlzey
writes:Hi,I am a 25 year old man who has just been 'dumped' by my girlfriend of 5 years (who is currently 24). I know that there is no good way for people to end a relationship but in our case she gave me the impression over the last few months (whilst still living together) that when she started her new job in the other side of the country where her family are from, that I would eventually follow.It turns out that this was never her plan as she simply stopped calling me once she moved home to her parents house.Now I feel like absolute shit for not realising that she was going to do this. Only last week I developed pictures from our holiday in Italy a week before she left where we are happy, smiling etc.I've noticed now that all the cliches come out such as 'if it's meant to be it will be' and 'love is blind' but it really isn't helping. The main reason I feel so hurt it that she was my 'other fish in the sea' that I met after 12 months of moping around following the break down of my first serious relationship.I'm trying hard not to lose faith in the whole concept of love and relationships but I feel like I have been punched in the stomach. All I want is for her to ring me, say that she made a mistake and that we can work it out. Constantly checking my phone is driving me mad as it slowly dawns on me that whilst I'm going through hell she has been able to discard the last 5 years like it were nothing whereas it means everything to me. Even if she were to turn round in 6 or 12 months and try to get me back, the damage will be done.I have desperately trawled through break up guidance websites talking about moving on, finding real love etc. All I can think is what if that is it, some people are just destined to a continuos cycle of love and breakdown because they don't have the capacity at the time to realise that the other person is no good at all. I'd love to know if you think that this is rubbish and please tell me because I just don't have faith in it anymore. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, knowlzey +, writes (18 October 2007):
knowlzey is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yes, we had our problems like any other couple and communication was an issue. I was totally taken a back by her leaving as were still acting as normal right until I dropped her of at her parent's house.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): Were you still being intimate up to the end of the relationship?
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A
male
reader, knowlzey +, writes (18 October 2007):
knowlzey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thansk for your responses.
Just to let you know, I broke the limbo after around a week and just called her to find out what was going on. She described how she was confident and happy (and meeting up with old male schoolfriends that she hadn't seen for a while, why she told me that I don't know because I wasn't particularly jealous in this relationship), since she moved home.
She gave me some mantra about needed to like herself again and giving it some time, etc. I initially thought, well anything she needs I'll do because what we have is worth working at. Now though, after some reflection and talking to friends and family I've decided that I'm not waiting around being the fall back option when her new found sense of freedom loses its novelty, or she simply realises that she f**ked up. I think the way she keeps on giving me the idea that a reconciliation may be possible in the future is just a way of leaving her options open.
Sorry I didn't make it clear in my first message but it is definitely over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): Hi. I am sorry about what she did. Have you tried getting a hold of her? Just curious..
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A
female
reader, ladysuzanna  +, writes (17 October 2007):
 yes some people use a person sometimes you love them but the other person is not really in love just were to blind to see five years is a lot to throw away but if it had meant to be it would have sometimes god does us a favorite he just don't see it until i life chances the sun shines again and we meet another person that love us so forget that life some hurt and forget her and if she should ever call tell her what you think of her and don't ever take her back and don't tell for the phone to ring maybe your next love is right in front of you how would you know your hurt must mend to love again one day at a time i wasted 6 years in my life met a second and wasted another six so i have been not to lucky in love but heal my heart and i still looking for prince charming i am older you have lots of time and she will pop into your life because there a lot of good women out there get rid of everthing that connects to this person good luck
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (17 October 2007):
 That was a real nasty thing your ex did i cant believe she would do that after 5 years with not even "sorry but i have to move on" women like her make me so mad they turn there exs into insecure men its awful, i have to say your better off without her is after 5 years she can just up and leave with nothing to say you deserve better your still only young and there are so any nice girls out there dont waste your time over a girl who wont even ring you or text you to explain dont waste another moment on this girl if she can just throw you away like that without even a thought to how your feelin she isnt worth all this pain.
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