A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I were having problems, I thought having a baby would bring us closer together, instead we broke up and he is with a new girl. Our baby is only 3 months and I'm struggling to raise a baby on my own as well as deal with a broken heart. He hardly sees the.baby but when he does my heart aches all over again cause I still love him. What do I do, I'm bot coping, I can't sleep or eat can't function let alone raise a baby.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): You just have so much on your plate at the moment :( dealing with a broken heart is a 24/7 energy sucking job that feels almost impossible even if every other aspect of your life is easy peasy and perfect! But on top of that you have another 24/7 energy sucking job of caring for a brand new baby!!
luckily your maternal instinct should kick in when you go on auto pilot! The worst thing to do is not sleep and not eat because you will feel even more drained and depressed!
you have your very own little baby that you need to think of now! concentrate on that if you can. Explain to your ex that he can see the baby but you cant be there when he picks it up! use a mutual meeting place (e.g your mums house) were you don't need to be there to see him! remember that your not on your own! there are millions of other people in your exact same position so please dont feel alone and lost. Turn to family and friends for support! That is what they are there for!
The best advice I ever gave myself was be who you want to be!! Do you want to be a weak helpless victim in all this or a brilliant super mum who works hard for her baby and is completely independent and happy! listen to feel good music and watch funny films, look to your future that is yours to decide! Surround yourself by friends and family for support and also to avoid feeling lonely!
Broken heats heal over time but you have to help yourself not make it harder for yourself! I have had my heart broken before and i know you feel helpless and almost distraught but i promise it will get better and you will meet someone else when you are ready! But for now concentrate on your baby and you! :)
Hope this helps at least a little bit. xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): I thought having a baby would bring us closer together
Alot of people get caught in this trap, and mistakenly believe this. There is one thing you must always remember-If they are determined to leave, they will leave no matter what. Nothing is going to stop them, not bills, not money (or lack thereof) and not their own offspring either. Some people do still prescribe to the belief that they need to stay together for the kids. When it does happen like that, the end result is usually cheating and affairs, because they are not satisfied and are constantly yearning for something more. Sadly, we are a selfish lot, and especially when it comes to matters of the heart. We seek to satisfy ourselves first, and let nothing stand in our way. Its a heartbreaking lesson, but it is one that makes us wiser when we learn it.
For you- I suggest to begin trying to heal yourself. This is a very sad and unfortuate situation, but it is by no means a good enough excuse to give up on life. This door might have closed, but as they say, one door never closes without another one opening..You have no idea whats around the corner for you! Do you really want to be caught moping around, not eating, sleeping or taking care of that precious baby? Wouldnt you rather become that strong, confident, sexy, smart independant woman who everyone admires, even if they never tell you? You think your time was when you were with him, accepting his scraps of love, when really your time is now! For you, there has never been a better time! Pull yourself together, reinvent yourself, make yourself shine! Guess what? living well is the best revenge! That is the absolute truth. It is easy for him to think he made the right choice because he sees you at your worst-not eating, not taking care of yourself, moping around, sad for him, not taking proper care of yourself and baby...If you were to look at that picture from the outside in, you would think it was a pitiful sight indeed, right? Remember that people are naturally attracted to happy, vibrant, indepentdant people.
So- You reinvent yourself. You become that girl that you always wanted to be. You nuture yourself and your child. You live, love, laugh...Whenver he comes around, be that strong flower, the one that doesnt take nonsense, the beautiful, vibrant, larger than life, independant flower that reaches towards the sun. You can do this, you know. Its not so far fetched. You will be surprised what comes your way. Start today. Love yourself and your child enough to do this for the both of you. You wont regret it.
-Catch
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): I'm afraid you have made a major error, unfortunately one that you have to live with for the next 18 years and more. The ONLY reason to have a baby is when TWO people really want one (preferably who love each other and ideally want to spend the rest of their lives together).
Bringing another life into the world simply as a way to try and hold a struggling relationship together is really not sensible and unfair on the child. A baby is a living breathing thing, not a bargaining tool.
I'm afraid all you can do is rely on friends and family to give you support. Possibly see your doctor about anti-depressants if you are really struggling. It's now about making sure your child gets a good start in life, not about you and your broken heart.
Sorry if that's harsh, but that's how it is.
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