A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I need advice! How should I cancel on my boyfriend. His birthday is on Friday. He is divorced and moved back in with his parents he has a son with his ex. She text him last week saying she wanted to get back with him! Since then he’s been distant a tad bit. He canceled his week staying with me because his mom got hurt so he has to take care of her. When I cancel he throws a fit. Anyway, he asked if I’d be bringing his gifts Friday. I said yes, but I don’t want to give him birthday stuff if there’s a possibility that we break up!What excuse should I use to cancel? I have a flat tire or that someone in my family is hurt! Or should I say I’m sick? I
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 July 2020):
 So, what you are saying is basically that you think he is on the verge of dumping you ,BUT he will wait on purpose until he gets your gifts , - only to proceed then to dump you AND to keep the gifts.
Oh my. That's certainly not a nice thing to think your boyfriend capable of . I don't know if you are being a bit paranoid, or if he richly deserves the low opinion that you have of him, but in both cases this means that the relationship is very frail, already well on its way out . There's no trust; you don't trust him to tell you the truth, to act honourable , to not try and screw you over also materially. Again, maybe he is as bad as you think, maybe not- either way, I think you don't want to stay with a person you can think so badly of, and feel that you have to watch your back from , also in terms of money and objects !
Don't drag your feet, do like the other posters advise too, bite the bullet and call it quits, without inventing excuses. Maybe by fibbing you'd buy yourself a little time, but for doing what ? For carrying on under such a cloud of mistrust ?
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (17 July 2020):
 Just say what you said here.
That was pretty rude and brazen of him to ask about gifts.
Send him an email that you won't be coming, it seems he's getting back with his ex, and wish him the best.
Then block and delete.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2020): If you're breaking-up, keep the gifts to re-gift to someone else you love. If he's going back to his ex, let him. If he throws a fit...who cares?
Why lie or make any excuses? Just don't stoop carrying-on any dramatic performances for his sake. Maintain your grace, poise, and dignity. Simply cancel all planned activities; and put the gifts in storage to give to someone else.
If he isn't concerned about your feelings; then it is okay for you to be selfish under these circumstances.
You can't cancel his birthday; but you can refrain from offering gifts and cancel any plans. You might feel quite foolish to pretend everything was normal. It would not be vindictive to cancel your plans, it would be saving-face. Pretense that things were okay, in spite of the circumstances, would be quite nauseating.
If it brings you any satisfaction, cancel; and feel free to tell him exactly why. Do it with class and dignity. Restrain your emotions. Then go no contact.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (16 July 2020):
 I agree with the other aunts if you feel the relationship is over then why make up excuses? Tell him the truth and be done with it. If you're ending it then just be upfront and end it. No games, no lies just truth and then walk away with a clear conscious.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 July 2020):
 Why should you lie?
Just call him up and tell him that you feel he has pulled away since his ex told him she wants him back, and that you don't think it's fair on you... and on him to continue.
WHO cares if he throws a fit? You will be DUMPING him!
In these Covid time it IS OK to end it over the phone. And no, you don't OWE him a present unless... perhaps if you made a promise to GET him one. I think people keeping their promises is important. Though this CAN be the "exception" to perhaps not keep THAT promise.
I think he had a GOOD reason to cancel his weekend with you. HIS mom got hurt!
Are you just looking for an excuse to end it? If so, RIP that band aid off and end it.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (16 July 2020):
 Not sure how long the pair of you have been dating, but it sounds to me like this relationship is done.
If your having to think of lame excuses like you have flat tyre or someone in your family is hurt (which he has already used) then whats the point of the relationship. These seem like excuses rather like throwing a sicky at work, not to use with a partner.
I think honesty is always the best policy, be upfront and honest. Tell him how you feel and the real reason why you won't be coming and just let the chips fall where they may.
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