A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I found out about 10 days ago that my husband had an affair. After the initial hurt and a lot of talking with each other we have decided to give it ago. I took him back a couple of days ago desperate to make things work. I think he feels the same (I don't know what to believe at the moment). I want to get passed what happened but I keep thinking about what they were doing together, not the sex, more the other couples stuff, holding hands, going out eating...all those things she didn't have a right to.We have good moments and for no apparent reason, something brings it all back and I shut down. I keep feeling that what we have was not enough for him and I am so fearful he is going to do it again. I love him that's why I took him back. I think we can make it work but I don't think I can survive another affair.What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have started seeing a marraige counsellor and it is going well so far. I feel ok most days but some days I wonder whether it is worth all the effort or I even wonder whether there is any point as I can't seem to see out of our situation at the moment.
My self-esteem is surprising good. I know he was pretty crazy to think he could replace me and even if he did replace me, it's a really stupid thing to do on his part as our life for the most part was great and we still could have had a great future together. Now everything is so uncertain.
Thanks to everyone who took the time to give feedback.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Sadly it means this: that he will Never give up his lover.
It means that he has total disrespect for you.
It means that u will never be rid of his lover.
It means your marriage is over. It is so devastating I know but he will never change. Have u thought of confronting his lover and telling her to butt out. It won't change anything bec he still wants her.
I suggest that u start making decisions regarding a divorce. Hun, get out while you are still sane, this man will destroy you if u let him.
Sorry but you need to kick him out of your life.
LoveGirl
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThings have been going reasonably well with our reconciliation until she rings up. He picks up the phone and says "it's not a good time right now". Well, I might be jumping the gun a bit but that tells me he will call her later. He argues that's not what he meant. I told him to turn his back on her and says he can't. I said it's not that you can't it's because you won't. He argues it's cruel to turn his back on her. I was such an idiot for thinking we actually had a chance a fixing our marriage. Feedback please as I am going crazy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you anonymous male reader (27th Nov feedback). Your words have given me a bit of encouragement. God knows I need a lot right now.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): Difficult choices. There will be many in the next few months, years.
First off, you need professional help. Don't try to do this on your own, or with "friends and family" being the counselors.
Get professional counseling, if he disagrees then kick him out of the relationship (if not the house) until he agrees, because you can't do this alone as it will drive you crazy.
I hate to tell you this, but it will take a couple of years of hard work to get through this.
"feeling that what we have was not enough for him and I am so fearful he is going to do it again"
Been there, done that, and it takes a lot of courage to work through all that.
Good Luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@quiet-echo. You have given me something to think about. I do love him very much but I do have to think about whether I am staying because of the love or because I feel vulnerable without him.
@SillyB. I would say the same thing if I was you. Unfortunately, it's hard to let an 11.5 yrs relationship go with a 2 year old in the mixed. My son needs him, and I know that's not necessarily the only reason why I took him back, it is a big part of my decision.
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A
female
reader, SillyB  +, writes (25 November 2010):
 I personally would never have taken him back. But, it is your decision and now you have to live with the hurt. YOU really need counseling by yourself and as a couple. There's no other way to get through it without this relationship healing improperly. YOu need counseling to splint it back together.
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