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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi, Im 17, a closet bisexual and am in love with my best friend. The situation is complicated. In the past, a few years ago maybe, we were in a sort of pretend gay relationship, it started off as just fun but gradually got more and more "serious". I'd go to his house and we'd cuddle and touch but never do anythin defining as "gay", ie kissing. After a few months of this, he called an end to it, which i found difficult at first but coped. A few years down the line and he has been in a long term relationship with a girl (about a year), but they recently seperated. I have always felt that he does have feelings for me but has never really expressed them verbally. He, along with the rest of my friends think that im gay, which i have denied (scared of being rejected/ridiculed)and that seems to have passed. I just dont know what to do. There are signs that he loves me as i love him, but i fear that if i tell him and my thoughts were mislead it could spell the end of not only us as friends but the rest of my social group. Thank you for reading this.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): I experianced a similar problem, only I'm not gay, or bisexual. I was sort-of dating a girl earlier this year, but eventually she told me that she no longer had feelings for me. I was devestated, but I got over it. Sometimes she still shows signs of feelings for me. But, I have no way of knowing.If I were you, I would just do what your heart tells you to do. If you want to ask him if he loves you, you do it. Because, I'm sure your friends would get over it eventually.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): Tricky one. You're either light-years ahead of him in terms of accepting your gayness/bisexuality, or you're simply more gay than he is, or he fancied you then but doesn't any longer. Or (best case for you!) there's also the very real possibility that he IS basically gay and might still fall for you in every sense. It doesn't sound TOO complicated. Two guys who're turned on enough by one another to cuddle and touch in a 'pretend gay relationship', but as teenagers, a time when societal pressures to not be 'gay' are very intense and probably enough to scare off all but the most determined gay guys. One of them chickens out and can't face that side of his sexuality, or can't summon up the courage to explore it physically. The other (you) is a bit more comfortable with it (or at least the idea of it - I'm assuming you haven't yet done anything with any other guys?) So you felt like you had to stop short of kissing because that would be 'gay'. Was that his rule or yours? He's most likely gay or bi, but that might never translate into doing anything about it. As an avid researcher of gay life, I'm stunned all the time by how many guys don't seem to 'come out' until they're much older. I don't think it means they're cowards, though. I think if they also like girls, they need to see what being with girls feels like before they make up their minds. Happens all the time. Two years ago (at 17) I was in a similar situation with a guy of the same age who I knew was interested, but it took months to get anything sexual going, and when I finally managed to, it was a once-off, his scope for adventure was a good deal more limited than mine, and he didn't seem comfortable with what happened and more or less avoided me after that, and is now apparently straight as anything, with an endless stream of girlfriends. Perhaps he'll go gay again, or maybe he never will. Same with your mate. Your mate had advanced to a state where you would touch and cuddle, but was too scared to go any further. He's working out his sexuality. He may be the gayest little pixie in the forest, but repressing it. Or he could be straight. Don't put him on the spot by telling him how you feel. Just give off signs - eye contact, the occasional subtle conversational hint - that you're open to his advances, and it's up to him whether he takes the hint. It's clear how you feel about him, but he's not the only man in the world. If you're comfortable with it, there are other guys out there too if you want to look for them. Hope this helps xx
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