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writes: I have been with my live in boyfriend for two years. He was married for 20 years when his ex wife walked out on him and 4 young boys, to live with her boyfriend. At the time the boys where beside themselves with grief. It's taken the dad a great deal of time and a lot of love to get the boys a new life and a new future. She does see the boys every other weekend and she texts them daily. She's taken her ex to court in trying to get the boys to live with her. However they stayed with dad as he has a home. Even though she lives with her boyfriend she wanted the state to give her a home for her and the boys. To cut a long story short it was thrown out of court as she didn't have a case. She has her boys watching us, listening to our conversations and they are reporting everything back to her. We are doing everything for the boys in giving them a good home and love etc. The boys are everywhere when they are due for contact with her, it's as if they hate us and what we are doing for them. However I dont think it's their fault; it's what the mother is doing to them, asking them questions, plotting against the dad and myself. Their ages are 11yrs and 13yrs and 16yrs the 4th is living with his girlfriend, to which the mother has disowned him and her granddaughter, who's only just turned 1yr. She's lovely. The mother is playing with her own children's minds and in my book you dont do that, not to children. She has a court other that she is meant to apply too, however this is not happeing. She does what she wants and to hell with anyone else.She was meant to have for a week in the Christmas. This didn't happen, however she made sure that we had a great Christmas with all the texts that wasnt nice to her ex and her boys asking them to play up for us, which they did. I feel the boys don't want to be with dad. You can see that with all the spying thet're doing etc. We are doing everything for those boys. We are getting to our wits' end with all this, Any advice would be good. Many Thanks Jackie
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2006): This is 'only' about her and her irrational sense of entitlement. She really believes that her needs are more important than her own partner-even more important than her children's-much more important than anyone else's. She seems infuriated that her ex-husband (your bf) is not making her the 'center of his world', anymore and she's lashing out, bigtime! She will likely, always continue this painful, emotional "assault' on you and your bf, until those kids have grown up and left the nest. She has a strong desire for justice and she will cling to these emotions, to the detriment of her own emotional well-being and that of her children's..she simply doesn't give a damn who gets hurt. Because she feels entitled.
As for the kids-just realize how she's messing with their heads, but keep being supportive, loving parents. And please...do not say one 'bad or disrespectful' thing in their presence about their Mother. The kids will mature and take note of that about you and their Dad. They will respect and love you for that, but that will come with growth and maturity on their part. Vent to each other in private. That's what couples do..they support, love and hold each other up through hard times. Sadly, this Mother will pay a heavy price for manipulating her kids all for her own gain and revenge. It's a tough job but in the long run, you'll be thankful you hung in there for the kid's sakes. Those kids need you both more than ever, now, to get through all this. Talk to your bf and suggest getting them into family counselling with you and their Dad. Sometimes a neutral third party like a counsellor is an excellent way to put perspective on these type of family problems. My heart goes out to you and those children, they need your guidance, love and support. You and their father 'need' to keep on being excellent role models for them, Jackie. Don't give up. You sound like a wonderful women who truely has their best interests at heart. Good Luck.
Hugs, Irish
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