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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been off and on in a relationship for almost 10 years now....5 on 3 off and 2 back on. The past relationship was very unhealthy-he cheated continuesly and lied alot...the reason we got back together after our 3 year break was because we both knew we wanted to be together, i told him that i was over what had happened in the past and he said that he would never cheat on me....once the relationship honeymoon was over i couldn't get over what he had done in the past. i didn't trust him like i thought i could. So for like a year i beat him up for what he had done. In the year time, we got engaged and had a child. As i did that he because very resentful and as of MAY he cheated on me....the relationship is over and there hasn't been contact since. He said he is sorry but by his attitude toward my pain i can't tell how sorry he is. Lately he admitted that he was a sex-addict in the past, he says when he cheated that wasn't the problem....but how can you define the difference between no sexual addiction and not based off behavior....any way we have both been seeing counslors and recently been going to a relationship counslor...yesterday i found a suspisions email about sex with an old friend...when i approched him on it he became angry and arguementive...knowing he was lieing i called him out on it and he told me the truth, that he used to sleep with her. I got caught before something happend...and now we are where we are...he apologizes but it just doesn't seem sincere. We have a very good home like for our kids and I don't wanna mess that up, he has one other child who lives with us full time and two others with two other women that he didn't want. We (he) is working on fixing those relationships as we speak....bringing them in the home and all....I want this to work. Everytime he gets in trouble he throws his hands in the air and says maybe we shouldn't try no more. He also trys his best to turn it around on me, leaving me feeling like its my fault and bad. i think that he can't handle a true committed relationship ---intamacy and friendship and all
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso i never really knew what to really ask, but what should i do, what is wrong with him? can he change or will my marriage be this way? What can i do now to try to stop this. He just says that i talk about this all the time and he gets tired of trying to help me feel secure. Is it over? Is it too late. He never wants to talk and talking about any of my feelings is a WASTE of time. It hurts my feelings and i am so scared that i will feel this way forever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2006): from the sounds of it, maybe that is not the best relationship to be raising children around. not a good example of how a relationship should be.
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