A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I still think of my ex boyfriend every single day; multiple times a day. We broke up two months ago. Is this normal?We dated for 8 months - five he was here - 3 were long distance. Before he went away, he said he loved me and I even went to visit him while he was away. I was completely in love with him - more than I've ever been before with another man.The last month before we broke up, he was acting dodgy. Took a day or so to return a phone call; and I found that I was calling most of the time. I asked him if he wanted to break up - he said no.When he got back to our town, he was staying in my apartment and left his FB open. Because I was suspicious, I looked in his private messages. He was having an online affair with a girl that started the same time he started acting dodgy. I confronted him and he lied to my face, saying his friend had been using his account and must have been messaging her. He also gave her his phone number in the messages but then told me that she must have "gotten it off FB on her own".I kicked him out of my apartment and he took all his stuff and text "have a nice life". That was pretty much it. He didn't try to fix it or apologize or fight for our relationship. Just ran.The girl that he was having the online affair with recently ended things with him and sent me an apology message. They were not only messaging on the computer, but she says they were texting and calling every day. (I believe her because she knew personal things about my relationship with him because he would complain about me to her). She apologized, he never has.One week after we broke up, I text him that I missed him and loved him. He said he loved me too and missed me, but that I had "messed with him" by kicking him out of my apartment when he just moved back to our town and had no where to live. He told me to "move on" because he has to.So now, it's been two months, and I think of him every day, first thing when I wake up and multiple times through the day. Songs on the radio, places where I drive past. The hopeless romantic hopes he just "wakes up" and realizes that he fucked up and apologizes. But I'm guessing he won't because he told me to "move on" and never even had a break up conversation with me. Just packed up his stuff and left. Refused to speak.So all of these factors mean that I shouldn't send him a "I still miss you" text now that it's been 2 months, right?I guess the question is - is 2 months of pining after someone normal? I would think that means it's real love and maybe he's just being too stubborn to contact me? I have been on other dates to try to distract myself and have signed up for a dating website. But the dates I've been on just don't measure up - I'm comparing them to how I felt for him.What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): I'm in a similar position (though I never got to uncover his 'dodgy' change of heart) :-/
I'm six months on and still think about him alot... (and I know it's not normal but I don't know how to stop either?) I don't know when it will go away? To make it worse I have decided to give up relationships completely, so I know this will take ages to go away!
Shame our brains aren't like an etch a sketch hey!? xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): Just focus on the fact you can't trust him, keep that in the front of your mind, he had an affair online, emotional affair, thats a fact.
In time when you meet somebody else special or just get busy, you will find the memory fades..
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