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male
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anonymous
writes:I am a high school teacher who's happily married and has a 2 year old son. I was doing some work after school when one of my Year 11 students came in. I'll admit for someone who is 16 she is attractive, but, I don't fancy her. The problem is that I think she fancies me. Lately she has stayed behind for about a few days last week and on the last day on friday she kissed me on the cheek. But I moved back when she did.I'm worried now because she might try and take it further and I'm more worried about how my wife might take it. Should I tell my wife and what should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AdviceGiverandReceiver +, writes (19 May 2009):
She's wrong to have kissed you, but she's lovestruck most likely. Lots of girls fancy teachers, just make it obvious you're off limits. It may hurt her, but tell her it's innapropriate
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): LOL I fancy one of my teachers currently. How long has she fancied you for? How serious do you think it is? You dont really need to tell you wife because it isnt really that important she is just a student. Just tell her straight next time she does something that makes you uncomfortable, "This has got to stop, you're an attractive girl but I am married. I am sorry."In response to 'eyes wideopen' NEVER tell her you are a 'grownup'. Take it from me, this will only make her want to convince you her feelings are truly 'grownup' then u'll never get rid of her lol.
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female
reader, blazinrainb0w +, writes (2 December 2006):
Take it from a sixteen year old. Girls go through stages, they get crushes on teachers or think they do because teachers are the second person they see every day. She may think that you fancy her back because she's so far into it she can't dig herself out of it. Is she in a semester class? You should try & maybe switch her to a different teacher because if she decides that you have threatened her in some way, even though you know yourself you won't, she will try & do everything she can to put it against you. The girl who told you to talk to her after class alone is wrong because if you tell her she's pretty she's also going to retaliate. Teenage girls are very fragile beings. Your wife will be understanding & I'm sure she will tell you that she went through some situations similar to that, so do tell her as soon as you can she will understand. When you approach her just let her know that your student may have a little crush on you, but try not to make it sound serious..
Good luck.
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female
reader, Sorcha +, writes (29 November 2006):
Hi, i would defintely tell someone. its your job on the line if something happens. Even if she went to kiss you on the lips someday and another teacher came in. You really need to be careful. I know some people would think "well i dont want my student to get into trouble over something i can handle myself" But you just don't know what will happen in the future...this student could become agressive and cause alot of problems to you, both in work and at home.
Your student wouldnt get in trouble for having a "crush" but you could if you dont report it or deal with it efficiently. You have to look out for yourself, speak to your wife, log incidents in a book and speak to your head. Maybe give her another chance incase she was genuine for your help. If it happens again, go to the head. keep us updated. hope it works out
S x
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2006): oh god i was a student once apon a time and i had the biggest crush ever on my teacher to me he smelled walked and talked like no man i had ever seen UNTIL HE GAVE ME DETENTION then i hated him he was the biggest ding dong walking the earth maybe you should try that approach but please inform the head as to why and i know it sounds stupid but have you tried talking one on one to her parents i know that would have put me off in an instant even the mention of my parentd being invoved
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (28 November 2006):
 You know your wife and how she would take it if you tell her, if she is the type of person who believes you and will support you and be happy you told her then go for it, someone to talk to about this would be good for you and support is always welcome.
But if she is the type of person that would worry and dwell on it and maybe think there is "no smoke without fire" then you really are best not disclosing this to her, but you will have to tell someone.
My advice would be to tell another teacher or your head, do not keep this to yourself and think that you can handle a teenage crush as it will blow up in your face.
Tell the head and make a report, get advice from the school on how to deal with this there will be procedures you are to follow and stick to them, avoid being with her alone and take an honest look at how you deal with this girl, do you subconciously flirt, do you give her mixed messages (without meaning to!!) or can you hand on heart say that you deal with her 100% proffessionally.
Report it and follow procedure that way you are safe.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2006): I think if you and your wife has a loving and understanding relationship, you should definitely tell your wife about it, and ask her how you should proceed. Ask your wife questions like "Should I confront the grade counsellor, or should I talk to the student directly?" - basically stuff like that.
This will make you come totally clean with your wife, and this will make everything much easier to handle by trying to solve this dilemma with your student.
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female
reader, Sally R. Cinnamon +, writes (28 November 2006):
 there are a number of teachers who have gone through hell because they have been accused by students of things they didn't do. it would be a good idea i think to guard against this by getting support now. what is your relationship with the headteacher at your school like? if you could talk to the head, and let him/her know whats going on, then he/she will be aware of the situation and be able to support your case if this girl ever makes claims against you. its very normal and natural for girls to have crushes on young male teachers, but this girl has overstepped a mark by kissing you on the cheek. would you be happy for the head to have some quiet words with her? perhaps that sounds extreme, but it's worth a thought i think, especially if this girl persists and things get worse...
but at the moment your worries are with your wife. im surprised that you worry she will react negatively, since you have done nothing wrong. it seems normal to me to come home after work and discuss a problem like this with your spouse. it depends on how you present it to her. how about "ive got an issue i want to talk over with you, theres a kid at school whos causing me grief..."? i think you should leave out the bit about the attractiveness of the girl - this is totally irrelevant. it shouldn't even be necessary to state that you don't fancy her. this just should be taken for granted. the issue is the girl's feelings for you. so concentrate on that, in order that you don't give any indication at all that you've seriously thought about returning her feelings (which i'm sure you haven't).
needlesstosay, you should act very carefully with the girl, avoid being alone with her again... get out of the classroom before this can repeat itself.
sally
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (28 November 2006):
 You should keep your door closed and locked if you are in the room by yourself. Never be alone with a female student, especially one who has a schoolgirl crush on you. Talk with them in the hallway. If she tries anything again tell her that you are very flattered but you are a grownup and very happily married. She'll get the idea. Don't bother your wife with this as nothing happened. It's part of the job really. My husband taught high school chemistry for 30 years so he had his fair share of crushes. Good luck!
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female
reader, bellachic385 +, writes (28 November 2006):
 In some cultures a kiss on the cheak is a greeting but when it comes to school it is not. A kiss on the cheak really get in the middle of that student teacher policy. She does like you, but she shouldn't. I would act like it never happened when she is in your class. Any mention of it will excite her. I would tell your wife. It is kind of funny that a girl would in a way admit to liking a teacher. If she advances (she shouldn't)you can go to the princabal becasue it is uncalled for. Good luck.
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female
reader, XAsk-AmyX +, writes (28 November 2006):
 Dear annonymous reader,
that is a tuffy! however i do have some advice for you. I would confront this girl next time she stays after school with you. She needs to be told what is right and what is wrong, after all you are a teacher, so teach her something she does not know. Make sure you are alone when you talk to her and dont draw attention to her in class by picking her out of the class, making her feel special. You need to tell her that she is too young 4 you, tell hers shes very pretty however you are happily married and want it to stay that way. Let her down gently but make her know what it is you are telling her, you dont want to have to do this for a second time. I would tell your wife of this girl AFTER you have talked to the girl, since then hopefully your wife will see how well you have copped with it. If this advice doesn't help then please email me back. Im always here to help!
Love Amy - your personal agony aunt! xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2006): If anything does happen and you don't avoid it as much as possible you can also be fired, branded a paedophile and lose your teaching license in the worst cases. What you need to do is avoid any contact between u and her answer her questions but keep your distance. If she stays behond class stay behind you're desk. Yes do tell your wife but in a jokey way and make sure she kn ows exactly what the girl is doing. Just to be safe.
Good Luck....Update us LeilaChick xxx
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