A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I noticed money being missing, two £50 notes were missing. I live alone with my 18 year old son.today, I found a receipt for Tesco and it says £50 was paid, this was in my son's room.How do I approach him?Do I set a trap again or ignore or just come out with it?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 March 2012):
 You could address this issue indirectly or directly.Indirectly:Ask your son if he BORROWED any money from you (this allows him a face saving chance to come clean). If he denies it, tell him you know exactly what you had in your wallet and are concerned you've been robbed. Say it conversationally, as you would to a friend. Then tell him if anything else goes missing you'll consider contacting the police. Leave it at that.Directly:Tell your son you're missing 100 pounds and you have reason to believe he took it. Then warn him if it happens again, or if anything else goes missing you'll call the police. Then leave it at that. In either scenario, say very little and lower your voice when you say it. It will have a greater impact than a long, drawn out conversation/lecture/argument. Do not expect him to admit or deny guilt. You don't need him to admit to anything. You just need him to know it won't be tolerated. Finally, don't make empty threats. If you say you'll call the police, then do it. And don't tip toe around to spare his feelings. If it does go on and you don't call police, by all means tell family. I don't mean ring them up just to tell them, but speak of it, matter of factly, as you would any other life event. If it's good enough for him to do. It's good enough for you to talk about. He needs to feel ashamed of what he's done. That is what prevents him from doing it again.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): OMG. This happened to us also. We have 3 children. Our oldest always seemed to have pre-paid phones (we cancelled his phone on our plan because he would never stop going over the minutes or texts).. The latest CD's and DVD's the day they came out, and all on working only a part time job.
I started noticing that some of my money was missing from my wallet. Then my wife would say she thought she had more money in her purse than what was left. I started hiding my wallet, and had my wife put her purse in our bedroom at night. We were really concerned, but still never thought our son would actually steal from us.
It really hit a head when our youngest son (who was only 12) at the time, told us that some of his birthday money was missing from his room. I took a marker and marked all the bills in our youngest son's room, our daughters purse, my wallet, and my wifes purse.
Next time someone claimed money was missing. I confronted our oldest son. Forced him to give me his wallet, and guess what we found. Bills that had the marks I had put on them. I gave him 2 choices. 1) Move out right now. 2) give me your bank card, your weekly paychecks, and we will put you on a budget.
He picked option 2. We were very dilligent in controlling all aspects of his money (we had assumed that at age 20 he could do better, but...). We also discovered by opening his mail that he had 2 credit cards he wasn't even paying on time. Tough Love, but it needed to be done. Now he's engaged and buying a house.
Stick to a very tough approach with him. Stealing is WRONG. Make it very clear that if he wouldn't STOP stealing and abide by you looking over everything he buys, then he is OUT. I know it sounds harsh, but if you don't stop this behavior NOW, he may someday steal from someone else who will just press charges, then it's JAIL.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): Thats a rotten situation to be in.
If you are convinced it is him, that he has not got £50 of his own to spend, then I would show him the receipt - and ask if its his, say you found it in the kitchen.Hes bound to deny it though. Whatever the receipt is for, can you sell the item(s) or return them - they will accept the goods if you have the receipt.
Its hard because it will cause bad feeling whatever happens, but thats because of his actions not your response to them.
If he has no income of his own then he has to learn he cant steal off his own mum, that you would rather lend it to him and have him pay you back. You can consider throwing him out, tell him to get his own place.
You will have to hide your cash from now on, sadly its all you can do. Keep temptation out of his way.
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