A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have teenager, his dad and I split up when he was 18 months old, he left me for a younger model (he had a baby with and left her, but saw her child), I was his second wife as he was divorced when I met him, he has 2 children from his first wife, now he is on his third wife and fifth child. he has 5 kids by 4 different women.I know it is my fault to fall for him, he was alcoholic, bankrupt, when we split up he did not want to have regular contact with my son, he used to phone and say put the kettle on and he used to have sex or physical contact with me, when I found out he was living with this woman I told him that he should make regular arrangement like he had with first ex wife, he had his kids every weekend, he said no, and that i was bullying him and he wanted to come as and when it suited him, social services said I was right.his daughter came to my house to see my son, her half brother, this upset my ex-husband (at the time his girlfriend), she left me a very nasty threatening message on my answer machine.I moved away but gave all of them the choice to see my son, but no one wanted to see him. child psychology contacted him in 2003 and he was not interested as he was married to wife no3.when my son turned 18, I gave him details of all his paternal family.He met up with 3 of his siblings, the forth is only one year old.I am very happy that he is now seeing them as I was worried if I die my son won't family.But has upset me today: is that he refused to add me as friend on facebook. but he has add the woman his father left me for and was violent towards on his facebook.2 weeks ago I told him that this woman was violent to me. I think my son has been brainwashed against me and hates and properly believes this woman over me. this woman is not with his father why is my son friend with her on facebook.I have not said bad things about his paternal family as my gp advised me not to as it will not look good on me. I have always encouraged him to have relationship with his paternal family, I used to drive 70 miles to take him to see his aunty who never send him any card, and when he had accident I wrote to her, but since my ex married his third wife, the aunty has totally shunned me.I just feel hurt that he has added this woman and he may be seeing her, ok she is mother of one of his siblings who is 15, but he sees her through his 30 year old sister.Am I wrong to be upset, I have not spoken to him about this, I still have her threat on tape, I feel like playing it to him. please help and advice me, I am suffering in silence. I sacraficed 19 years of my life to this child and that is my reward, I did not go out as I could afford babysitter, did not have boy friend as I was scared of they may hurt him. why is my son doing this, does he hate that much?
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alcoholic, bankrupt, divorce, ex-wife, facebook, my ex, split up, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): I am the writer of this article.
Many thanks for your feedbacks and advice.
That woman's threat was so bad (she threatened to kill me)police got involved and put something on my phone to try to catch her to prosecute her as her initial phone call was withheld.
sadly I told the first wife and she told her tip about police putting things on my phone so that violent woman never called me after that.
therefore, police could not prosecute her.
I'm hurt that he is friend with a woman who did that to me. I was so frightened I move out of the area. I am no longer angry that she had affair with my ex-husband, I am upset that she threatened me. in a way she took the alcoholic man out of my life and that was a favour, but threaten me was beyond reasonable. I am hurt that he is friend with such person who made me frightened. I have diabetes, and when I was listening to her message on my answer machine I got so stressed I was trembling and was freezing cold.
A
female
reader, Ashley Pickets  +, writes (23 March 2012):
Okay, im a teenager, and i also have a facebook... But u cant take stuff like this seriously.. He might be a lil upset, but i doubt he is tht mad at u, after all u didnt do anything wrong.. I know a lot of people tht are haveing problems with there teens.. It may just be a privacy thing for him.. Maybe hes just nervous about whats on his facebook.. Most likely thts whats going on.. I hope this helps u, dont take any of what he does, to hart, u did nothing wrong... Hope evrey thing goes well for u... And him..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): I know an sevral teenagers who don't add their parents as facebook friends, namely to keep the parents from seeing what they are up to. It's more than likely he's not choosing her over you but choosing to add her because they will be no consequences if he does anything stupid publicly. One of my 18 year old female cousins was filmed taking a pee in an ally drunk and posted it on facebook, i highly doubt her mum knows about that lol Its just kids. Wanting privacy. If he still lives with you then its all about what effect you being his friend on facebook will mean. He may not be able to be as honest. You suddenly have access to pictures of him out of his face on a friday night and also have a list of all his associates. Maybe you won't approve of them etc. Maybe he just wants privacy. I imagine the only reason he has added her is to follow what she facebooks about his sibling. I doubt it's a her over you thing.
Maybe just talk to him about why he won't add you .... i think its a freedom/privacy thing at this age. Just don't push it. If he doesn't want to then he doesn't want to, in a couple of months/years he may change his mind and think it not so uncool to have mother dearest as a facebook friend etc.
Hope i helped x
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (22 March 2012):
Should you be hurt? Yes. Surprised? No.
If you play the tape for him, do it in person alone with him, and offer no opinions or any other explanations about it to him. Quietly listen to whatever he has to say about it, and answer any questions honestly.
Truth is truth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): Understand that your Son loves you and appreciates all you have done for him.
The interest with this other woman is not Motherly. So don't confuse such things. Thats an error you are making.
Your son may not be choosing you over anyone.
Perhaps he just wants privacy and time to sort things out AND therefore, to spare you from whatever he is doing, does not add you to his Facebook.
You need to stop comparing yourself to all these other unhealthy, dysfunctional people.
Time is your Friend. In time, your son will see the truth of things.
Seek individual counselling to sort out your feelings and to vent them healthily.
Then get out and make friends and live your Life as your ADULT SON is now doing.
Make sense?
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