A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Somethings wrong with me but I can't figure out what fluke that I am currently carrying with me. Before while growing up I had to deal with my overly restrictive parents who would call me every hour, on the hour whenever I was out with other kids and the fact that my Father didn't approved of me dating ladies until my 22nd birthday. I am strong, athletic, friendly, and practice chivalry on everyone that I meet and not to mention that I have been labled as American Actor ''Matt Damon's clone'' due to our strong similarities in appearance. Growing up I got hit on by girls left and right but also brutally rejected by the ones that I was chasing and I've taken four hard rejections as of today. Gowing up I also had PPD which is phycolagical social disorder and is essentually autism but strickly within the sense of social interaction and difficulty with picking up social cues. Talking, flirting, eye contact, and personal interactions are now extremely easy for me but I struggle servely with online dating, facebook, texting and non-personal interactions which might be significantly more valuable within american society today. Everytime I meet girls they dont want to talk, they don't want to look me in the eyes, they just want to text and talk electronically. To add insult to injury I have never attempted a good fling/one night stand at the bar because I keep believing that I am not smooth talking enough to get one and I am also afriad of the consequences. My most receant heart-break was as of today with, let's call her miss K. We met online and we texted eagerly with one another for a few weeks and we had a great time sending messages back and forth and really got to know each other (as I had thought) and she said that she thought that I was a sweet, charming, very intelligent and romantic gentleman and told me what we have in common (and we're both only children by the way). I suggested that we meet, and I asked her when and where she would like to go for dinner and she confirmed them both and kept talking to me about it for this entire week and I was talking to her about the preperations that I was making for her such as cleaning my car for her to ride in. She talked about going on a date with me for this whole week with GREAT excitement and then suddenly broke it off within these few hours of our meeting claiming that we don't have enough in common despite the fact that she was texting me every day fequently. I asked her why within just a few hours and not earlier so I wouln't get my hopes up and she responded '' I don't know!! I am just really bad at dating and just stupid!!. I then asked her about my turn offs and she said'' It's not you i'm just not ready for a relationship right now.'' after she paid $69.00 to be on a dating site and said '' I want a realtionship with a man this year.'' The only turn offs that I can think of is whenever I texed miss K I kept showering her with my affection just because that is what I enjoy doing to someone who will be close to me. I even said that I will love, care for, be your best friend, and protect you with my life if I where to become a husband/serious boyfriend to her. Is having a good heart and wanting to be sweet to a girl really such a terrible turn off if you also care about yourself and do not let anyone walk all over you and are exteremly protective of everyone close to you, even your buddies and potential girlfriends? Dose sweet always equal weak no matter what a guy dose otherwise? I've had five girls dump me electronically, two in person, and 25 crush on me while I showed no interst because it didn't register that they were crushing on me. So, what's wrong with Me?? Does good hearted = pansy every time with young women??
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female
reader, supermum  +, writes (26 March 2012):
 You are in your early 20's and have only had 4 hard rejections? Really? You know how lucky you are? And do you realise what you sound like? Really? I have had all these people crush on me and I went out with all these people and they had the audacity to dump me electronically blah blah.Perhaps the reason love is not working out for you is because you sound pompous and obviously think you are Gods gift.And if someone said to me, on a first date, that they would die for me if we ever got serious, I would run a mile. You moan about being dumped electronically, but you are fine with meeting girls electronically? Slight contradiction there.Now, I admit, i am being a little harsh. But just reading that crap got my back up. So I can only imagine what you are like in person.Having said that, through some of the things you have said, it appears your heart is in the right place, you just need to work on your technique. Which can be done.I would start by ignoring the dating sites. While I have nothing against them, I doubt you really need them. Think about the type of girl that you want, and then go out and about and search for her in the right places.For example, if you want a girl that likes quiet dinners, don't look for her in night clubs.If you don't have a job, volunteer somewhere, meet new people, get out and about and relax. Spend time with women just as friends, not as potential date objects, and get to know how to interact with us. I expect your strict up bringing has something to do with it, so you really need to work on normal interactions before you go for dating.Then, while being polite and respectful is a must, don't go overboard with the soppy nice guy routine. It can intimidate people, and make them feel less than worthy. Learn to relax and have fun with it. Learn what her hobbies and likes are, and act on them. For example, if she loves horses, why not go horse riding together? If she loves reading, why not read to her? You can be romantic without being a pansy. Girls tend to like strong men. Not physically but mentally. Confidence is a must (at least for me and the ladies I know). And that only comes with time. Ladies like to be treated right, something you are clearly capable of... but you have to do it in the right way. As for being a pansy... that is never hot. As I said above, get female friends first and learn how to act. Romance will follow naturally. You are still young, and have plenty of time for love. I think you need to find yourself first though.
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