| A
female
age
51-59,
*ully
writes: Stayed over at our oldest sons flat for 3 days with my husband and younger son. Our oldest lives with his girlfriend of 5 years. I didn’t want to stay there as I prefer a hotel to do my own thing and I go to the toilet a few times in the night so don’t like to disturb people but I thought ok I will have to stay as he wants us to. Our son wanted us to stay there instead of a hotel to save money.His girlfriend is a only child so everything as to be about her. She is 24 and is not interested in asking many questions about things to do with other people only herself. Our oldest son is 26.My husband had to make our breakfast the first day as she just sat there in her housecoat and didn’t offer to do it for us. Our sons had gone to the gym and I think our oldest would of made it had he been there. She only made us one coffee whilst we where there and our sons made the breakfast the other days. We are out for lunch and dinner so we didn’t really eat there. We got told we would have a roast dinner by our oldest before we stayed there and our youngest asked about it and she said she didn’t know about it but I think it was more of she couldn’t be bothered to do it with our oldest. I don’t really like her as I find her to selfish, she hasn’t got much of a personality and is to wrapped up in herself. My husband just says because she is a only child she got fussed over by her parents which I agree. He doesn’t say anything else about her like finding her to wrapped up in herself and only wanting to talk about herself.I noticed when we were there my husband sat in the living room with just his house coat on. He said because our sons where there but they had gone to the gym again and she was upstairs working from home. I’ve seen him looking at her quite a few times and think he likes her. He is 56 and she is nice looking but he is old enough to be her father. I wouldn’t sit in the living room with my housecoat on as I felt better being dressed. I don’t know if he was looking up at her whilst she was working as she was working in the kitchen upstairs. Why would he sit in the living room with just his housecoat on and not get dressed? He once went to her flat to take something up for our son a year ago and she asked if he wanted a coffee which he did. I know it seems Exeme but I’m even thinking if something went on. He as looked at other women younger then me, I’m 52 when we’re out and as admitted he looks at women but wants me. It could be my imagination I don’t know. he does seem to be the joker when we’re out and it’s like he wants attention. We had gone for a meal on our last night and we thought she was going to join us. She didn’t as she ended up having drinks with her friends. I thought this was selfish of her as she said she would see us there and our oldest son seemed disappointed as did my husband. My husband said, so she’s not going to join us to our son and even thou I wasn’t bothered if she had as she would of gone on about her day and herself. Our son always goes for meals when her mother turns up and wouldn’t say he is spending time with friends going for drinks and being selfish. my husband later said it was ok as we come to see our son and spend time with him. I know my husband was disappointed she wasn’t there and it’s like I feel he is a dirty old man and pervert knowing he might like her when she’s our sons girlfriend. Would a 24 year old go out with a 56 year old man and look stupid out together, I think not. We had all gone out one day with her to see the sights and the second day with just our sons. She asked which day was better like it was a competition and I said both days where good. It was like she wanted us to say her day was better where she took us even thou we wanted our son to take us to the places he knew so I know she is immature for her age.I’m not bothered if I don’t see her for a long time but she might come to ours over Xmas with our son and I’m dreading it. I don’t want her to come and rather just see our son but what can I say and knowing my husband might be giving her the eye just makes me think what kind of man I married.
View related questions:
immature, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2022): Please try to go easy on your husband. Sometimes people look or even stare at people without even meaning to. It also doesn’t mean they have lust toward the people they are looking at. Sometimes, while out on my own, or with my husband, I’ll catch myself staring at a particular person, not because I think that person is attractive…sometimes it’s because they’re simply in my line of sight, and it would be odd to look at the floor instead. But I’ll realize I’ve been staring too long, especially if I’m deep in thought about something. I think it’s a safe bet I’ve probably made someone uncomfortable at some point or given someone the wrong idea about my intentions.
Now, in regards to your son’s girlfriend, I need to ask you a couple of questions. Is the reason you don’t like her actually because of the things you listed about her, or would that stuff not bother you as much IF you didn’t believe your husband is checking her out? Evaluate what actually bothers you about her. If it’s mostly that you think your husband is looking, you shouldn’t hold that against her at all. She is not responsible for your husband’s wandering eyes. If you just don’t like her, it is what it is, but you have to remember your son has chosen this woman as his long term partner, so there must be something about her that is worth keeping around. If he seems happy, focus on that instead of all the things about her you find annoying. Whatever you do, don’t be passive aggressive toward her or make assumptions about her intentions. For instance, it doesn’t seem to me like her asking which day of sight seeing you liked better was about being competitive. It seems more like she was just trying to make conversation by asking a question. She could be like me and struggle with making small talk. I went to Disney World with my in laws earlier this year, and asked them which they liked better between Epcot snd Animal Kingdom. It never would occur to me to ask something like that because I want to compete in some way, or some other petty reason.
Try getting to know her better. You may discover what your son likes about her, (aside from her good looks.)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2022): All I can gather from your post, is your resentment for the young-woman for being 28 years younger than you. She hasn't done anything seriously wrong.
Seems you're just jealous, and finding fault left and right about this young-woman. Your husband can't but notice she is a young and attractive female; considering the fact your long wordy post shows how closely you've evaluated and examined the female under your own microscope. Finding not one redeeming quality; which makes it blatantly obvious to any reader that you are seething with jealousy.
She is of Gen-Z, and behaves pretty much like a young-woman of her generation. She didn't jump-up to fix breakfast, probably because that's not normally what happens in their household when you're not there. She was basically being herself, without any apology; and if you don't like her, then it's safe to say that's all this is about. She makes you feel old and unattractive. That's probably not isolated to this particular situation about her; but your resentment would extend to any young female within your husband's range of vision. His mistake might be making it too obvious that he is looking.
People on this site will say a lot, but it will not get through to you; if you're bound and determined to dislike this young lady. She had no power over when she was born, or when you were born. How you maintain your appearance, is strictly up to you. She has no spell over your husband. She has no power over how you feel about aging as a woman; she just happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, as far as you're concerned.
She is your son's girlfriend, and has been so for five years. Never mind the fact he seems to want to keep her around; and the probability is high that he may someday marry her. With or without your blessing. Had she been less attractive, or older than you, would that have made you feel better about yourself?
You have two choices. You can grow old bitterly, hating your son's girlfriend; or you can grow older gracefully, knowing she'll someday be your age as well. She is entitled to her phase of life to be appreciated for her youthfulness and beauty. I bet you didn't complain when you were in your heyday; unless you've always been bitter, and full of self-loathing, or jealousy toward other women.
She's young and it's just the way things go. If you're going to be meanspirited during the Holidays; you're going to estrange your husband, your son, and his girlfriend. That won't reflect badly on anybody but YOU!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (22 November 2022):
 There is one thing I know from getting old...OLD SUCKS. but there is also something else, we maybe old physically but we see ourselves as the 18 year old we used to be. Your husband means absolutely no disrespect to you OR your marriage, he is just wandering for a moment or two in the memories of being young. I suggest you think of something fun you and he can do (just the two of you) and remember he stayed with you all these years, I think he had a good reason
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 November 2022):
There is one thing I know from getting old...OLD SUCKS. but there is also something else, we maybe old physically but we see ourselves as the 18 year old we used to be. Your husband means absolutely no disrespect to you OR your marriage, he is just wandering for a moment or two in the memories of being young. I suggest you think of something fun you and he can do (just the two of you) and remember he stayed with you all these years, I think he had a good reason
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2022): It sounds you don't like the girl whatever she does. Do you really think she would seeing your husband behind your back?? I think you need to do something to take your mind off these paranoid thoughts it will be make you ill.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (20 November 2022):
 I'm sorry to say but i think that you way over thinking this and blowing it out of all proportion in my opinion.
You husband is a man in his late 50's, and she is in her early 20's, and your sons partner, the thought of anything going on seems absurd.
you have a trust issue because he has looked at women in the past, so this had made you insecure. If he has not ever been unfaithful to you, or you have found dating sites on his phone or something i would not really read to much into him looking at other people. By his own admission he admitted he has looked but wants you.
I would advise stop thinking your Husband is into your sons girlfriend, nothing is going to ever happen there. I feel if you don't let your insecurities go you will end up making yourself ill over it. You will cause a family rift, make yourself ill in the process, and all over something that you have created in your own imagination.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (20 November 2022):
test
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2022): You are being silly .. he has his house coat on it's not like hes naked and if you can see him staring at her tell him so ..
...............................
|
