A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I Think my husband is involved with his sister!!She was living with us and caused a lot of arguments between us such as butting in on our finances and everything. my baby son started callin her mama she would get happy! They would always be happy if i went 2 my moms house with the kids..she would refuse 2 go out leave her brother and they would go shoppin 2gether at the time i didnt take much notice but she would see him off 2 work like a wife would and wait till he came home at night 2 give him dinner. the odd thing is that my husband started 2 hate me i didnt know why! my mom came round 1 day and caught her my husband checking his sister out whilst she was cooking and she was watchin him as well from another door. by this time she had control over all my house the cooking and would invite guests 2 come 2 our house, i tried 2 get set her up with a date so she would hopefully get married but she made the poor guy run off!! She never wanted 2 find a job. The argument got really worse that in febuary i moved out and stayed for 2wks at my moms house. Every since she lived with us he said i'm gonna leave u as a joke i never knew he was serious! Later my husband called me back during all this time, i tried 2 get along with her until one day when i saw a love bite on her neck i told my mom. my mom saw it as well she said its a scratch and showed me another place where she had these marks..i knew from that point it had 2 be my husband cause he would give me love bites there! i asked her who is he ..she said theres no one!! i still gave her benefit of the doubt and she would go town shopping so i went into town as well i was hoping 2 see if she was involved with a guy and maybe i would see him with her..but there was no one!all this time i was busy at uni and once my studies ended i started 2 live at home without stayig at my moms this upset both of them and he started 2 have fights again with me. I noticed her bed in her room was moved near the wall 2 our bedroom basically she admitted she would listen 2 us at night and what we would talk about which is freaky! The jealousy grew she stopped talking 2 me and my mom and later the arguments got worse my husband would humiliate me infront of his friends and she would laugh! She then moved out but kept in contact with my husband secretly on the phone after that he slept in a seperate room and stopped eating anything i cooked! and then he left me and its been 2months he hasnt seen his sons..now shes whats him 2 get a divorce!!This has psychologically messed me up i get Angry i mean y did he ruin my life and had 2 children with me..i feel so used!!
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divorce, jealous, moved out Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): There are two possible answers in this situation. First, your suspicion is right. In this case you got the answer from others. Second, your suspicion is wrong. In this case I would say that the most beloved and unbreakable relation in one's life is one's family. It consists of two parts 1. His or hers parents and sibling 2. His or hers sons and daughters. Bear in mind that “marital ties can be broken but genetic relations can not”- a quote from my sister. The root cause of your suspicion is your culture and the society you are living where the incest is so prevalent and common norm that one can easily grow suspicion like you. But it does not necessarily support your argument in every case. But definitely there is a boundary in sibling relations which is sexual act. In my culture sexual act can be easily distinguished but not in yours where everybody hugs, kisses everybody. That’s the root of suspicion if your husband and his sister really didn’t engage in incest. A brother and a sister have a genetic attraction which is God gifted rooted from responsibility and family bond not from sexual lust. So like others I should suggest you to clarify your suspicion whether it is right or wrong by investigate it properly for sake of knowing the truth, but not for reconciliation with your husband if he has started another affair. I wish you a good life. Thanks
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 Get that divorce and make sure you get every penny you can from the nutcase. Consider your life not as ruined but just beginning. That situation was sick and wrong, good riddance to bad rubbish. Good luck Honey, you'll be just fine.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): Wow, your story is pretty wild. How did your sister-in-law start living with you and your husband and why? Also, do you think your husband is having sex with his sister? You need to ask him and tell him to tell you the truth. This is a very dysfunctional situation and you need to get to the bottom of it. Good luck. Please let us know if these replies have been helpful to you. Good luck. I hope you get this situation resolved.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): Please trust your gut instinct I don't think anyone follows this enough and we are not in your position - there will be lots of instances that you have not described that build the whole picture. She has clearly played a part in your marital breakdown and although there is not enough evidence for incest the jealousy she has demonstrated could have shown itself in physical acts. She is clearly manipulative but I have learnt the hard way myself that blood is thicker than water for some people that choose to be divisive and you must leave them to it and concentrate on yourself. Do not go back to that relationship as I fear there is too much damage and you would be better off spending the energy you have left re-building your own esteem and finding a man who will support you like a 'rock'. Trust me - when you find that guy there will be some very sorry people left to face the error of their ways..... but you won't miss them.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (25 September 2007):
 okay, i feel for you but this is his sister, you cannot be throwing wild accusations around just because your marriage has ended.
she probably did have control over him and he undoubtedly listened to him, but she's jealous of you for taking her brother, not because she wants him herself. she wants to be the one who he prefers spending time with, she wants him to prefer her cooking to yours, she wants him to think he can do better than you, even thpough you haven't done anything wrong.
the love bite, could have been from any guy, they usually give them in the same places.
okay, her moving her bed is weird and i'd be freaked out by that too but she preobably wanted to hear see if her interference was working, and by you going off to your mums, it has.
he doesn't need to speak to his sister in private, they're siblings, family, he'll never chose you over her but it doesn't mean his sleeping with her, that's incest and wrong, and it's just a line nobody crosses.
i'm sorry he's left you and wants a divorce but maybe it is for the best, if you think he's havving an affair with own sister, you must have some trust issues and it's not healthy for any marriage.
you need to focus on your future with your children now, they are the most important thing in this situation, and for them you need to be strong, stop blaming yourself, because it's not your fault, he might just need time out but why don't you sit and talk to him rashionally without making any suggestions about his sister, don't say you hate her, don't blame her, just talk about the kids and what's best.
good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): I'm so sorry for you, and your still quite young. Your sister needs to get some morals - My sister would never do that to me [I'm 17 & She's 20]. You let her into your home and she repays you with this? And for her to encourage her children to call her mum is sick, as well as wanting to listen to your conversations [or sex] whilst in bed!
I think you should divorce him and get child support from him. He's no better than her but you deserve better and I hope you do eventually find happiness because you seem like a lovely person just on the fact that you let her stay at your house when she had nowhere else to go.
I'm sorry I misread the post & just realised it's HIS sister. But I won't change my post because it's still near enough the same. Again I'm really sorry and I hope you get your life back on track because he's scum, and so is she!
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