A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I need some advice about my husband, I think he is crushing on a younger female friend of ours. He always compliments her when he'd had a bit to drink then says he's trying to insult her as a joke! and I've seen him staring quite a bit. I have spoken to him about this and he says nothing is going on. I don't think anything has happened but get the feeling she likes the attention he's giving her. Am obviously worried things may progress and not sure how to handle this any advice please?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2022): You can't control, read, or remove the thoughts and feelings of other people. Although he's your husband, he's still a human being. Ask him to check his behavior, but you can't dictate his actions. If you don't trust him, he's the cheating kind; then the question is, why are you still married to someone you can't trust?
You're an adult, a perceived crush is no big-deal. Naturally, you may be tingly with a little jealousy. It's when you catch him exchanging glances, making obvious advances, and blatantly flirting with her. Then you've caught him dead to rights.
If she doesn't seem receptive; then she's merely a victim or target. He's placing her in an awkward situation, and you'll have every right to intervene. As long as you're not seething with with jealously, just because she's younger than you; then you're apt to make a complete fool of yourself.
When you catch him acting a fool while intoxicated, take him home. If you've confronted him for misbehaving when he's tipsy, and you get gaslighted about it; call him out on it. Then tell him, the next time he shows his arse when drunk; you'll abruptly apologize for his behavior to the lady, calmly excuse yourself to your hosts; and will insist you both leave then and there. I mean, how often do you see this woman anyway?
Since it's popular to capture incident's on video; video record his misbehavior, and show it to him. Ask him to explain himself, and insist that he not insult your intelligence in the process. Make sure he's misbehaving, and you're not just being oversensitive and insecure about being a wee bit more mature as a woman. You're only in your 40's, my dear. That ain't old!
Marriage doesn't make you unattracted to other people; you just have to practice self-control, and behave yourself. Especially, when your mate has made it clear they're aware of it, and done with it!
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (27 January 2022):
 I that maybe you are reading a little to much into this. Don't manifest problems are scenarios that are not even there.
Relationships are based on trust, trust is the most important contributing factor that bind a relationship together, without trust a relationship is doomed to fail.
You have spoken about this and he say's nothing is going on. Until you find proper evidence, which i would not go looking for by the way, i would be inclined to trust him.
SO he has made some compliments to her, he has maybe starred a bit, but i think this is as far at it goes.
She may very well like the attention, this does not mean they are going to have an illicit affair together.
There is a saying in life, " the things that we fear or worry about in life are the things we manifest the quickest".
Trust your husband, he is married to you not her.
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A
female
reader, QueenCupcake +, writes (27 January 2022):
 You need to tell your husband how uncomfortable it makes you feel, and then I think you guys need to distance yourself from this woman for a little while. It certainly doesn’t help that she seems to be enjoying the attention, as that’s fuelling him even more. Maybe try hang out with other friends? Or do other things?
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