A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend has always been very private. I don't know her address, or have met anyone in her family, or friends, nothing. It just the two of us. She has met my friends after hesitation but only two time. We have been together for 4 months or so. We recently got in a fight about her work (I made a post here about it) basically she has no time for me because of her job. This led to me asking for the truth about where she lives. Its been two days and I haven't got a reply. So I did my own detective work through google, and people finders. I slowly put the pieces together. Everything she has told me has been true (family, where she went to school, etc.) but one big thing keeps popping up. Her age has her as 4 years older than what she told me. I keep seeing her age on various people finder sites and they all have either 3 years older or 4 years older than what she told me. With her old residences when she lived in different states. My theory is that she doesn't want me to meet anyone she knows because she doesn't want someone to talk about her age, and she was probably nervous to meet my friends because she doesn't want any of them to be suspicous? I would have never guessed she was that much older than me. The age she told me is that she is 4 years older than me, but her real age could be 7 years older. My question is are those people finder sites usually accurate? I did a test on my family and it had the right age of everyone except my sister. They were off by 6 years with her, but dead on with everyone else. I know shes not cheating because her last name is consistently the same as her family name, and under relatives there is no spouse. When I did my family everyone's spouses were listed if they were married. Her number has always been private too, and I do remember one time specifically where she wouldn't let me see her liscense. She covered it up because she said the picture was bad. But she would flash the picture quickly but I couldn't just see it. And if I ever brought up meeting her friends, or seeing her place she would get really defensive and insulted really quick.So I think its her age. Should I be angry? Should I confront her? If she never replies do I contact her again? I am just really confused now. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010): I know man. Trust me I know how weird this is. We have done everything else a couple could do. And she came clean today. She is actually going on 35. She lied about how long she was with her ex too. It was 10 years and I was told it was 4. It was an almost 4 hour conversation and she kept saying how sorry she was. I believe her and forgave her. But I have no idea what to do right now.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): Dude this will probably sound harsh but if she hasn't even told you her address she is not your girlfriend...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): You are completely right chigirl. If she ever gets back to me she has to come clean. If we do work on it, I am going to make it VERY clear that talk is over, and we are going to start slow. But to be honest I think we are done completely. I already started replying to personal ads, and made one of my one. I am trying not to dwell on any sad feelings, and just want to start over and meet a nice girl hopefully.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 August 2010):
 You have been together 4 months. How can you possibly be ready for children and huge commitments? You say you love her, but.. after only 4 months you love her? Are you not scared that you have based off your relationship on a lie, and that you love someone who is faking who she is for you? Besides, if she goes on about kids already after 4 months I would worry she only sees you as a sperm donor. And when would you ever be able to meet her friends and family, if she intends to keep up this lie until you have knocked her up?
For all you know she could be faking a lot of things. And yet here you go on about how you love her? Be very careful...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): my mum lied to my dad about her age - he thought she was younger, turned out to be 7 years older. lol. Okay, so the relationship didn't work out but i think it was personalities rather than age as he is now happily married to woman my mum's age. It doesn't matter about her age - the thing that matters is the lying and hiding things, not sure why she would be SO secretive but perhaps what she is hiding is not worth your time finding out. Have a talk with her and if nothing changes, walk i say.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): I don't think the age issue bothers me at all. It was the lying and deceit. Whenever I'd bring it up she would flip the script and I'd be feeling bad for making her feel bad. Then I would go into a little rut. She was playing mind games and it was hurting me every time, and she didn't come clean. Just let me be hurt. Thats what bug me the most about this.
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A
female
reader, jenjen.270 +, writes (7 August 2010):
 if this is someone you find yourself really caring about, then sit down and talk to her. Ask her for the truth, maybe she is afraid to tell you, maybe she is afraid that you wont want to be with her anymore.
that is also something you need to think about, will the age difference bother you, if so, then call it quits. I suggest that you talk to her, if you do really care about her then communication and trust is something you need to have.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (7 August 2010):
If she never replies don't contact her again. What will your relationship be worth if you can not trust her, she lives a lie? Don't continue this relationship unless she comes forth with the truth, and you find you will be able to accept the truth.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): *Original Poster here*
I am 25 she told me she was 29. Now it looks like she is 33. This makes more sense about the age thing too because she kept saying she didn't want to celebrate her birthday and that it was in December. Only one site listed her birthday and it said January. So she most likely wanted us to celebrate it in Dec, so she could celebrate her real one with the people that knew her age? Secondly out of nowhere one day she was talking about kids etc. and I was so confused because it seemed so fast, and I haven't even been to her place yet. She said she was worried she'd be ready before me, because after a certain age its hard to have kids. And I was so confused becaause she wasn't even 30 yet. But now that makes a lot more sense as well. I do love her but am just so confused and a little upset right now as well.
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