A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've got a situation that is getting a bit out of hand. A guy in my class at college has a crush on me. While of course this should be flattering, his fixation has got out of control. When I first met him, he was this painfully shy guy who was pretty isolated. I've always been quite outgoing, so I made a point to be friendly and get him involved in the group - inviting him along to parties, events, making sure he was always part of the conversation when we would hang out after class. When I became aware that he was getting a bit over attached, I talked to him about it and at the time he laughed it off and seemed fine. Things carried on as normal for a while, then some of the other people in the class started warning about him - saying he was telling people that I had 'lead him on'. I was a bit disappointed but I figured that was nothing serious so ignored it. That was six months ago and since then, things have escalated dramatically. While I tried to continue being friends his behaviour became very bizarre. To me, it started with patronising comments about how I should behave toward guys and particularly who I should avoid or be careful with (all of my male acquaintences, even my most platonic mates according to him). I've always been more like one of the guys, than a girl's girl but I'm definitly not a tease. I've always been upfront about situations where warm and fuzzy feelings are involved, so never paid any attention to his comments. Then it moved on to him constantly trying to make my confide my deepest and darkest to him - something that I wasn't comfortable doing due to the nature of our friendship. He then decided that I therefore had deep emotional problems which meant I needed his constant support - and when I say constant I mean texts every half hour and him turning up at my flat unannounced just to 'check in' every other day. My friends were already concerned - they kept telling me stories about this guy warning them away from me (even the girls) or going into major depressions when he didn't hear from me. At this point I tried to talk to him, but again he just dismissed it as my problem, me being over-sensitive. But after that things escalated again. I tried to enforce some distance, but that just resulted in drunken phone calls. He would wait outside my flat and harrass anyone who came out - including once my little brother. He's not violent he just wouldn't leave them alone, asking questions. I get texted pretty much every hour - had two while typing this. Then last week we were at a party with class mates - he arrived and spoke to no one, just sat in the corner all night drinking and at one point he started sobbing. I was going to talk to him, but my friends convinced me that would only make it worse, and instead they took it in turns to try and cheer him up. Eventually he left. But I woke up to another drunken message on my phone, this time with him threatening to hurt himself if I didn't see him. I didn't take it seriously, but I later discovered that he had actually cut himself and ended up in casualty. This time I did call him, but again as far he's concerned this is my problem - it shows how 'over-sensitive I am and how badly I need him'. Come Sept I have to see this guy everyday at school. Frankly I'm now totally creeped out and don't want anything to do with him. But I don't want him to end up hurting himself either (I don't feel that he's in any way a danger to anyone else). He clearly needs help, but until he takes responsibility for himself he's not going to get it. In the meantime, I'm putting up with this crap on an hourly basis. I've changed my phone number 3 times already as a result. I've spoken to my teacher and while they know there is a problem, they've talked to him about it that is as much as they can do and it had no effect. I want out of this situation with the minimal amount of fuss. But I have no idea how to do that. Any suggestions please?
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male
reader, mariot4747  +, writes (7 August 2010):
he needs some serious help.. lol guess you know that the best you can do is just keep talking to your teachers because he is a really bi-polar persona ( person who keeps changing his mood)
and i do think he needs help but i dont think he is capable of hurting himself, isnt there a psychologist in your school?
he is overreacting a lot, but i dont think he is capable of hurting himself the best you can do is just keep ur distance, because if you tried talking to him you could make it worse,he isnt very stable so be carefull though.. and keep talking to ur teachers
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