A
male
age
36-40,
*ussianGuy
writes:Alright... I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a little over a year. Our 'honeymoon period' went very well. For almost nine months, infact. Sex, communication, friendship, etc... Everything was great. We never argued. Then slowly, as the relationship progressed, things began to level out.We would argue from time to time, and the sex became less frequent. Infact after a big argument we took a break from one another for a few days, which worked out well. Since then we have not had a major fight.However, in the last couple of months, my girlfriend's behavior has worried me. She seems very distant, and uninterested. Whenever we talk she seems very apathetic and whenever I show her affection, she usually seems to 'fake' her own. And the sex has become almost nill. I respect her and care for her more than sex, but she avoids it like the plague if possible; and our sex beforehand wasn't bad. We were mutually into it.On several occassions I have confronted her about our relationship, and on a mature level I explained to her how I feel, and how she makes me feel. I ask her how I make her feel as well, and still she seems very vague and unwilling to open up to me.She ignores my texts and calls half the time on top of this, which frustrates me.So, basically I am unsure of what to do. I don't really feel like I'm in a real relationship anymore, and I'm unhappy a large part of the time, and unsure of how to act around her.She says she still loves me and wants to be with me when I asked her if she was too busy with school and work with me, and if she'd rather remain friends or whatever. So, for whatever reason, she remains with me, despite really acting like a girlfriend, much less a friend.I'd hate to say this, but it almost seems like she's with me for the emotional support I give her when she's stressed out, or the security - as I am always there for her. Or maybe the money? I mean, I always offer to pay for things when we go out, etc...So I dunno... She has told me she once kissed other females at concerts and stuff but has no 'sexual interest' in them, but I am kind of iffy on that. She is a very liberated woman and independant and agrees with a lot of feminist views. I had reoccuring questions she may infact be a closet lesbian, but I do not want to offend her by bringing this up.I do not believe she is cheating on me (with a man or otherwise), as she stays pretty busy with school and work and I know where she's at most of the time. So, it would be hard for her to juggle a secret affair on top of her other things.My personal opinion, I have a gut feeling she is no longer interested in me or physically (or sexually) attracted to me, but for the reasons I previously stated, remains with me for the conveniance.Any suggestions or thoughts would be appreciated.
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female
reader, miyuki +, writes (7 May 2009):
Well it sounds like just your girlfriend has a busy schedule when there is so much to be done and your so tired the last thing on your mind is sex or being affectionate usually it's a time where you just want to kick back and relax by yourself or eat or go to sleep. But you could be right maybe she is a little bit curious in girls but i wouldn't read to much into that.If you feel that she's not opening up to you tell her i feel like your keeping something from me you know you can tell me anything i love you remember to tell her you love her. My girlfriend is the same way she often keeps alot of stuff hidden but eventually she will tell me. Also if she is stressed why don't you take her out for a romantic evening make her feel special buy her roses sometimes us gals just need a little bit of the good life you know.
Hope it works out with you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): Dam Buddy i feel your pain...
just watch out for being too parrow, and talking too much about it at first, i know im very stubborn n tit-4-tat, but try this, it may help, do exactly what she does back 2 u, i know its childish, but she will notice the lack of affection n interrest and confront you about it. DONT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, JUS A THOUGHT....
maybe its time to move on if she does nothing?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): Based on what you've written, I'd say it's time to end this and move on. Sometimes, relationships don't work out - not your fault, not hers, they just don't. You've tried talking with her about all this, and she's not interested. How long are you willing to put your life on hold?You know her and your relationship better than anyone, and your gut feeling is, it's over. I'd acknowledge what you feel, and act on it.
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A
female
reader, babyyybre +, writes (2 September 2008):
tell her exactly how you feel and tell her you guys need to come up with a solution. to me it sounds like shes hiding something, btu mayeb she isnt interested sadly sometimes love fades. but then again she can just be really busy ask her if she wants to take a break til she is less busy and has time for you, shell miss you and come running back.
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