A
male
age
36-40,
*oastbeef4me
writes:I know this is really long to read but it was the only way to get you to know what is exactly going on and exactly how I feel. Thank you so much for your time. I am 21 years old I have had many short term girlfriends and relationships with girls. But it wasn’t till I meet and dated this one girl who stuck out differently than any other when I realized what it looked like to truly love someone. I never thought it was possible for someone to share so many qualities together. My friends would always tell me that if I were to be a girl than I would be her. I have many friends who are in long term relationships and they are even amazed at how open she and I are with each other and how well we get along. When I think of what makes me love this girl I think of the smallest moments and things that me and her would say, and do that most people would think would be ridicules and weird but that was what makes us us. To be able to be my weird self and not live any lies or hid anything about myself and have a girlfriend who is the same way. But a bonus was that she was beautiful, nice, and smart. If I had to describe my dream girl and everything I looked for in a relationship I would simply say her name. not only do I see her as my girlfriend but also my best friend. Being with her has been the best two years of my life because I realized how life is meant to be lived. Your probably wondering why I am writing this than. well we have gone out for 2 years. I am in college and she is going through the transition of the end of her high school year to college. I go to school an hour away and come home every weekend and brake to spend time with her. It was hard at first to have a long distance relationship but after awhile the weeks flew by and before we knew it we would be back in each other’s arms. Being how bubbly she is she has many friends, and they love to go out party and drink. She has recently told me she felt tied down and that she was so young and confused and didn’t want to miss out on the end of her high school experience. So she wanted to take some time apart from each other. I never saw this coming from her and it seemed so hard to grasp because I felt we got along so well. Her friends have tried to pull her away from me before because they felt she didn’t hang out with them as much as they used to. So she has been going to parties almost every brake and drinking. I know that she can get a little out of control at times when she drinks and being this a guy who has always been trying to hit on her and her ended up having sex in his car. She called me crying saying she probably messed her whole life up by doing that and was so sorry. This was a guy who has no respect for women and can basically be described as a man whore. I would do everything to make her feel so special and loved and treated her as if she was an angel. I was really upset and disappointed in her because I was the only person she had ever had sex with before that, but unfortunately she wasn’t my first. But after this whole situation she still said she needed time and she continued to go out and party. I know this isn’t who she really is… im not sure if her friends are pressuring her.. or if the expectations of the party life teenager are influencing her… or if this is what she really wants. She keep telling me that “if it’s meant to be it will happen”. But after about two weeks I had to tell her how I really felt and that I couldn’t wait for her to make up her mind and come back to me whenever she felt like it. And that life shouldn’t be relied on “Chance” I believe that you get out of life whatever you put into it. And told her what she did was very hurtful and she would need to prove to me she was sorry and didn’t mean any of it if she ever wanted us to work out. I needed to stop talking to her in hopes that she may come to realization what life without me is like and come begging for me back. Its has know been about 4 to 5 days since the last time we talked. I am willing to wait forever for this girl but By not talk will that help at all? I don’t want her to think she never has a chance again and completely give up… It’s the hardest thing to think of not being with her ever again. I find it near to impossible that there is someone out there who I could share all the same qualities we shared with. Am I wrong for forgiving her mistake and not wanting to loose everything we had over something soo stupid? Am I wrong for thinking this may be a phase that she will come over? Please help with any advise possible. Thank you sooooo much..!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): It sounds as though you are upsessed with her, when shes not even that great. Ok yea, maybe she is everything to you and you think shes an angel but news flash brother! Maybe shes NOT as great as you thinks she is. Yea you have all those special moments together and what not but that CAN happen with someone else. I've been in love and yea it ended up not working out..so sometimes, even though it seems nearly impossible and horrible, you gotta let it go..
And if she is hanging out with friends that are going to influence her to be a bitch like that and not care about other peoples feelings, then maybe she is a bitch or shes just stupid. Because who wants to be around people like that? It sounds to me like you a wonderful, nice, intelligent guy that has fallen WAY too hard for someone whos not all that..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): Dude, i think you should let the girl go. I understand you love her but she does not love you if she had sex with another guy. she is in a stage in her life where she wants to go crazy but you are 21. You have got to live your own life, find things that make you happy and have fun. She is immature and you will find someone much better for you. Don't anticipate, participate brother, in the better things of life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): Yes you should absoulutely forgive her. everyone makes mistakes. I can recall manyyyyyy things that i could absoulutely wish with all my heart that i could take back. But only forgive her if she really truely expresses that shes really sorry. and I agree with the one lady that it is what made her panic that you are the right person at the wrong time.
But yes also, you REALLY really need to find yourself! go out and discover who you really are! find an outlet and get involved with some new hobbies and things you enjoy! because who knows.. maybe youll meet somebody new just doing something you both enjoy? Isnt that probably how you met her in the first place?!
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A
female
reader, janey22 +, writes (7 December 2009):
I really sympathize with your situation adn am sorry that your going through such a difficult time. this is not an easy situation, especially when you have such string feelings for a person adn they dont seem to be returning them.
With that said, i have to tell you that you really need to re evaluate the way you are handling things and maybe take a step back. this girl obviously cares about you but is dealing with things in her own life right now. you two are in very different stages in your lives and need different things right now. you need to understand how she is feeling and what she really needs. you may be suffocating her and trying to tie her down before shes really ready or has even experienced life yet. right now you are taking ion gthe role of the woamn in the relationship and letting her have the control and domination. girls dont find it attarctive when a man is desperate and constantly nagging them about being with them. if you want things to work out then you need to back off and give her her space befofre she completely resents you for trying to control her life. i dont think her friends are the issue here either because if she initiated the breakup then it must have been nothering her for a while too. its normal for people her age to want to go out and party and have a good time with their friends and if you cant allow her to ecxperience that then of course she is going to try to rebel against you. She needs to be happy with herself before she can be truely happy in a relationsip with you. maybe it would be best for you to do some soul searching as well and get in touch with what makes you happy, instead of just relying on this girl. its great taht youve found someone in life who makes you happy, but you cant completely put the weight of your world on their shoulders and expect them to be the center of the universe. i strongly suggest that you back off a lot and give her the time she needs to experience life and feel independent or else you may come on too strong and completely ruin any possible chance of ever making things work out for the future
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): I believe that you situation is a difficult one and I really sympathize with you. Its hard to have all of these feelings for someone and not have them returned.with all that said, I think taht you really need to re evaluate the way you are handling the situation. She is 4 years apart from you and at a different stage in her life. She is looking for different things in life than you currently are and its important that you understand that. If you continue to pursue her in such a strong manner you will end up pushing her away completly. obviously she has strong feelings for you as well but maybe her life has been too focused on your relationship and not enough on herself. for someone to be truely happy in a relationship, they must first be happy with themselves. otherwise she will just end up resenting you and things will never be able to work out and get better. she needs her space and i think you do too. Its refrshing to see a man thats as passionate and sensitive as you are, but you might want to reel it back just a little bit before you scare her away. Right now it appears that you are playing the role of the woman in the relationship and she has all the power and control. Let her have some time to live her life and really experience things before you try to tie her down. I dont feel taht her friends are the issue here because she is a strong girl capable of making decisions on her own. if zshe initiated the break up then it was because she was the one missing her friends and wanting to go out and have fun. Its only natural at this poiint in her liufe to want to live it up and party and you should really understand taht adn just try living your own life without being dependent on her. its too much pressure for someone her age to have to worry about being the most important thing in someone elses life. I would be extrememly careful if i were you about how you coninue to handle this situiation or there might be no turning back and you wont beable to save things at all. just give it a rest and back off so she doesnt feel quite so suffocated
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): I feel sorry for your situation, it is rough. But most of us (if not all of us) go through this, if that is a comfort. You really love this girl. Unfortunately, she is confused about what she wants. She is breaking your heart, but is for now focusing on herself. It's not fair to you. I know this will sound harsh, but there is only ONE reason why she'd need a break from you to "fully enjoy" her last high school days. So she could fool around. She ended up having sex with the worst sleazeball there is, that says something about her judgment. I am pretty sure she'd been doing other things that she couldn't have allowed herself to do were you two not on a "break". Break is just sugarcoated: we're not together so I can fuck whoever I want. If it's her friends who talk her into this: she is too easily influenced by her friends! If you talk her out of this this time around, next time around she'll still listen to her friends and not think for herself.This isn't a period, unfortunately it's a time of her life where she is young, and as the saying goes "young and stupid". She doesn't know what she wants in life.In order to not hurt yourself more over her, you should move on. You loved her and let her go. She didn't come back, she kept on flying. So let her be. She could have been everything you wanted at one point, she is no more. Take comfort knowing that you are not alone feeling this way. Heal your heart so that you'll be able to love this amazing way once more, or several times more, because there will be other women to love who will treat you the way you deserve.
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A
male
reader, roastbeef4me +, writes (6 December 2009):
roastbeef4me is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut if she ever wanted to really prove to me her mistakes and confess to me and willing to sacrifice something to prove to me shouldn’t I have some type of forgiveness for that, keeping in mind that everyone makes mistakes and that some don’t relies what they truly have till it’s gone.
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A
male
reader, roastbeef4me +, writes (6 December 2009):
roastbeef4me is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut if she ever wanted to really prove to me her mistakes and confess to me and willing to sacrifice something to prove to me shouldn’t I have some type of forgiveness for that, keeping in mind that everyone makes mistakes and that some don’t relies what they truly have till it’s gone. ?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 December 2009):
This is no phase, and you were very right to give her an ultimatum and do what you have done. She has been having sex with other men and having fun while leaving you as a comfort blanket for when it all goes wrong. I'm sorry, but the fact that when you told her how you felt she stopped talking proved that she's not that great as you'd like to think. If she really loved you, she would have been with you and worked at it. She's hurt you, and she's bot bothered to make it up. Now you need to move on, because you deserve someone who will commit to you. Even if she did come back, you can't trust that she won't just be using you as a safety net until some more fun comes along. If she wants to throw you away in favour of partying, so be it. She's not the girl for you, so be brave, move on and find someone else who will love you and not hurt you like this. Don't be someone's comfort blanket. If a girl loves you, she won't treat you like this.
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