A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help I need some advice. I know its a long post but please take the time to read it you'll probably be suprised. I think my girlfriend might be cheating with her boss. Recently it's come to my attention that her new boss has been texting my lady late at night. She dosen't know I've seen them and as soon as she reads them she deletes them. For the most part the texts I've seen aren't what bothers me but the time at which there sent. He will call her sunshine and other "pet names" but it should be said that she dosen't always respond. We've been together for 4+ years and things for the most part seem great. A few months ago I went out and even bought a ring with the intent to propose on our anniversary. This new job she took is taking up alot more time and I fear that all this time spent away is hurting our relationship. The week before her trip I asked how she was planning to get to the airport and she replied that she was going to meet her boss at work and then ride over with him. I told her that despite having to get up at 4am I would get up to at least say goodbye. I also suggested instead of her boss parking at the airport that we could pick him up since he lives close to us. The night before her trip she told me that it would just be her and I going to the airport and that her boss would have a relative pick his car up from the airport. I found this to be slightly suspicious but whatever. Later that night she went tanning and I could tell she was preparing her nicest clothing for the trip including taking a new LouisVitton purse that he bought her months ago (for a job well done of course)but she's never used....that is untill now. As she frantically packed untill midnight I stayed downstairs. She came down and what happened next you'll never believe!!!! She accused me of acting distant and said that on our last night together we should be more kissy kissy lovey dovey. I told her that since she didn't get home untill 7 and after her last min. errands,tanning and packing that I too felt like we should have some romantic alone time but that it just didn't happen. She flipped out and said that she would just not go on the trip and she'd quit her job because I seemed jealous. WHAT????JEALOUS??????? Where did that come from? Let me tell you people that I in now way acted jealous, suspicious maybe but not jealous. I told her that I loved her, I trust her and all I want is for her to have a sucessful trip and come back to me safe. She almost cried and then told me how much she loved me. She held my hand the whole way to the airport and has texted me and called me every step of the way so far. When I left the airport, when she got to NY for a connecting flight, when she arrived in Europe and again just to say goodnight coincidentally as I'm writting this. She tells me she misses me and loves me very much and that she wishes I was there. I feel as though I might be paranoid but this is so common for workplace romance nowindays espically on business trips. What do you think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 I think you're correct. The fact that you're writing this question while she's gone tells me you're concerned. This might be a difficult time for you while she's away. Remember that nobody really knows what, if anything is happening here. It seems she's had second thoughts, was stressed out by the idea and blew up on you when she sensed your fear. Accuse the accuser type of thing. The best defense is a strong offense.
Late night calls, pet names a gift of a purse? I don't like that idea. Also, contrary to another aunts idea, if she was trying to get distance between herself and the guy, she wouldn't bring the purse. If there was something going on between them, bringing the purse would be reaffirming her affection. I don't know why he wouldn't accept the ride to the airport. Although it sounds strange, you'll never know why, so don't try to figure that out. I agree with you though.
She may have picked up some jealousy on your part by the fact you stayed downstairs as she packed. It could have been a look on your face, the way you carried yourself etc. Was that out of character for you. Any woman would pack her nicest things for a trip. On the other hand, she'd pack her nicest things for a romantic trip too.
What is the nature of the trip? How is your sex life? What are the details about the boss's life? Have you been jealous before? Why did you never mention any of this to her?
The fact she keeps calling you is a good sign. If she had any bad thoughts, she might have put them away. When she returns, I think you need to talk. She needs to know what you're thinking as well as explain the late night calls and pet names. If she's professional enough to travel on business, she's professional enough to be known by her real name.
In the end, the only thing you can rely on is your lady and her word. Is she cheating? Who knows....but you have reason to be concerned and the relationship does sound too cozy. This IS how things start to slide on the slippery slope. Based on his actions,there is a lack of respect toward your relationship. That is unfair to you, the man who is trying to remain open minded.
A
female
reader, wens  +, writes (28 September 2007):
Well what can I say?
Yes I agree with you regarding the thinking she is having an affair.
The signs are there and it would steer you to become paranoid.
However, I feel that maybe she is having second thoughts!
For her to blame you for being distant when it was her that had to prepare herself before the trip. Along with the mention of being jealous!
Maybe something as happened at work with her boss? That way she has a reason for giving her notice in?
Maybe he is married? Things are getting out of hand? These are the things that I think about being a female.
I see it like this...If there is trouble at work then the best thing to do is blame you... If she has to finish her job or the affair as to stop, then you my friend will be none the wiser.
Or..Do you know that he as definately gone on this trip?
She may feel let down by him and to help her get over this she is sucking up to you. That way again you will never find out.
Or..She really is truely sorry, feels guilty for not being close to you, for allowing her job to come in between your relationship.
I am sorry I have no correct answers for you to help you decide.
But anyone can tell us how to react in situations but no one can make that decision for us I'm afraid.
All I can say to you dear friend: Wait until she gets back from the trip.
Have a romantic evening at home with candles the full works!
Let her know how much you have missed her. Make love to her like you have never done before.
Hopefully, you will not have time to chat about the trip. (put that to one side for now).
The next day over breakfast, ask her how it went, what kind of experiences did she attain etc, show her that you are interseted in her work.
When she answers' you watch her mannerisms, facial expressions etc. You will know if something was going on.
I wish you luck dear friend...
God Bless...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): I think she adores you and that this boss of her's is making advances and she's doing her utmost best to resist. Contacting you constantly this way only means she's scared and trying to stay connected to you and remind herself all the time of what you two have together. That being said, i urge you to never ever undermine the potent power of persuasion and seduction from a man on the hunt. Fight for your lady and turn on the love and charm full blast. Remember, you have her love for you on your side
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