A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Today at school my friend really hurt me. Her and this boy went and told everyone that i am not a virgin. It's really affecting me becasue people are calling me slag and becasue i am normaly quiet and keep out the way people are saying "its always the quite and shy ones." I have said I am a virgin and all the boys are being really nasty to me, and asking "are you a virgin?" I really dislike it. My freind is lieing and blamming the and she is saying "I havent done anything". Should I plott revenge and spread a rumour about her or should I forgive her?
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revenge, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): Thats the most offensive thing i have heard of you can't let some one destroy your reputation like that.Its war fight with all you got if that weapon is rumors so what you must fight!!!!
A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 Don't get even with her, it puts you on her level. You are better. Ignore it and you don't need to forgive her either. Tell her she should get a life rather than making up crap about you. Tell her "I'm sorry you are such a crappy friend." Or whatever you want, I would be extremely mad so that would be my answer. But don't start rumors and don't talk to this chick anymore. Answer people when they ask and ignore what they say. If they are really so into your life it is just pretty sad really. They have nothing better to do than talk about someone else's virginity? But it is middle school so I know how it is. Keep answering them with "no" and ignore what you can. They will move on to something else soon I can promise you that, there is always some "drama" going on. Don't let her get you down, even though it is hard. She obviously has some jealousy issues with you and besides karma will come back and bite her in the a** one day. Good luck. Always remember, 10 years from now not any of this crap will matter. It is the absolute truth!! It always helped me through the drama.
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A
female
reader, To Understand +, writes (13 May 2008):
 hey, im in secondary school too so im a girl around about your age and from what your saying it seems that your friend isnt very trustworthy. in my opinion i suggest you DONT get even with her but just dont tell her further imformation about yourself. trust me a situation like this has happend to me before and the worst thing you can do is get even because it always comes back on you, i know it can get upsetting as loosing your virginity is quite personal and you dont realy want everyone to know about it untill your confident enough to tell people yourself. it may be hard but your just going to have to get on with it and to be honest they wont be calling you a slag when theyve lost it, its because you have before them.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 May 2008):
 Honey, don't take this treatment from bullies, and that is what they are, bullies, because they are trying to hurt you in a very awful way. Please tell your parents or a teacher right away; they can help you deal with this better than you trying to start a rumour that can backfire on you.
I know this sounds like it won't be much help but really and truly you shouldn't have to try to get even with them or to tolerate these awful comments from your classmates.
I know when I was your age I would have told my mother about something like that. In fact I did, there was a perfectly nasty boy who punched me in the stomach; I told my mother, and I don't know what she did next, but the next thing I knew I was getting an insincere apology from him, but he had to formally apologize to me. But he never bothered me again, because I had asked for help from my mom. I think I should go and remind her of that and thank her again, after all these many years.
Don't suffer in silence alone, you have lots of help around you if you ask for it. Okay?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Don't play their games. You can be stronger than that.
As for the "are you a virgin?" question, an enigmatic smile and the tiniest nod of the head is all that's needed. Don't waste words on an answer. (for "enigmatic" find the picture of the Mona Lisa - Google image search should bring it up quickly enough!).
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): You know your a virgin. The man you give your viginity to will know your a virgin. If people ask you tell them it's none of their business. Or tell them to ask your friend because she seems to know you better than you know yourself. Revenge is no good, it makes you feel like crap and usually backfires. Why should you forgive her if she has hurt you and refuses to take responsiblity. Tell her to a face what she has done to you and how she made you feel, then stay far away from her.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (13 May 2008):
 I went through the same thing when I was your age.
Don't seek revenge. The only thing that would cause is escalation. In other words... making thing worse. Instead, go to her, face to face. Alone. Make sure that she also is alone. In fact, if you know where she lives, go there while her parents are home to talk to her. Let them hear what is going on. Ask her why she is doing this. Stick up for yourself.
It is very immature of her to do this to you. "Take the bull by the horns" girl!
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A
female
reader, LittleMissInfo +, writes (13 May 2008):
 Hiya,
I don't think revenge is really the best solution for this situation. But neither is forgiveness. What this girl has done is an awful thing to do to anybody, nevermind her friend. All i can say is "who needs enemies, with friends like her".
By doing this she is obviously looking to cause trouble, and doesnt seem like a very nice person to want to be friends with. I suggest you just try to forget about it, and keep your head down. Don't let it distract you from your work or your other friens, and soon it will all blow over, and people wont even remember. I'm sure they will soon realise that you aren't like she said you are, as you don't act it.
Try not to get angry with her, as this may be what she is looking for to get attention and affect you. If the rumours carry on, and it is upsetting you, why not try telling your mum, an aunty, a teacher? someone who will deal with it, and her.
Dont worry,
LittleMissInfo
x
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