A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend has just come back to university, but it's strange because she doesn't eat as much as she used to. We went for lunch the other day and she chucked more than half in the bin, then we bought food out at the end of our night out and she binned it again. I rarely see her eat now I think about it, she actually made an excuse to get out of going to lunch with us (at least it may have been an excuse). It wasn't until I went over her flat and she clearly has touched not much of her food. We've been back nearly 2 weeks now and it is strange to still have the same amount of food you can came in with. I asked her and she said, that when she eats now she just feels sick and she can't finish her meals and finds she is never hungry. But she tries and she just feels like she needs to be sick and she doesn't bother now, because she doesn't see the point in forcing herself to eat. Which is fair enough, but i'm worried now because recently when we've gone on nights out I just look at her and oh my god! Her legs are soooooo skinny and her stomach was so flat there was nothing of her when she looked to the side, her hip bones were showing. It just looked like she was wasting away!! Thing is, I think she likes how skinny she is getting and sure she doesn't look anorexic, but she's sure lost too much weight in the time we've been back which can't be healthy! She was an 8 and now is a 6, She said she knows it's a problem but she likes how skinny she's getting and that she doesn't mind if she looses more weight and she can't do anything about it...It just worries me that something that started off as a small eating problem, is turning into an eating disorder and she's blind to see it. Either that, or she is fully aware that she has a problem and doesn't want to get it sorted because it's making her skinnier! What do you guys think? Do you think she has an eating disorder and is this wrong, I mean is it possible that she just can't eat without being sick or do you think now it's getting serious. I just don't know what to do!! She wont listen to me, or anyone without thinking we're overreacting.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 September 2012):
 well if she has pain or discomfort then that may be a sign that there is a problem.
I was eating very little last summer... I thought I was ok because I had gastric bypass and I was supposed to eat small amounts. I HAD NO CLUE I WAS GROWING A MASSIVE ULCER that perforated and almost killed me. Seriously, by the time it perforated I was thin enough, but then they had to have EMERGENCY surgery and FIVE DAYS in the hospital with NOTHING BY MOUTH AT ALL... and to be honest I was loving it... I got down another 10 pounds... and it took me a while to gain that back and then some... now i have to lose 15-25 pounds... and it's s struggle because you have to eat SOMETHING... I wish I didn't.
I thought i looked good being that thin... I'm finding out I was the ONLY one.... oh joy... can you take a picture of her and show her?
IF she has pain or discomfort when she eats she MUST see a doctor.... if it's in her head... she might need therapy...
Body image is such a fragile thing...
but remember what we CAN eat and what we do eat is not the same.
I CAN eat a lot more than I should and most people can and do...
IF she's getting the right amounts of the right kinds of food...
then there's not a lot that can be done...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2012): "she doesn't see the point in forcing herself to eat. Which is fair enough"
No it's not fair enough OP.
She doesn't see the point in forcing herself to eat? What about perhaps the minor thing of having to eat to actually stay alive? That not a good enough point for her?
"She said she knows it's a problem but she likes how skinny she's getting and that she doesn't mind if she looses more weight and she can't do anything about it."
Her life, her body it's up to her to make her own choices OP, all you can do is what KC suggests and be there for her, encourage her to go see a doctor when she's not well.
"I mean is it possible that she just can't eat without being sick."
Of course that's possible but it's not the case here. OP what would you do if for a few days every time you ate you got sick? You'd go to a doctor wouldn't you?
Well the fact she won't go to a doctor means this is a choice for her, she's choosing not to eat and the fact she likes looking like a victim of the holocaust says a lot about why.
"I just don't know what to do!! She wont listen to me, or anyone without thinking we're overreacting."
You can't do anything without pushing her away OP. Just keep an eye on her, if things start to get really bad call her family and let them know that she's unwell and needs help.
I had an ex who was anorexic and bulimic. I had to dump her because she was dragging me down too. She made a shit girlfriend because of it to be honest, always moody, always feeling ill, no libido, clumps of her hair left on the pillow and refused to get help.
I took some sneaky pictures of her while we were in bed and she in her underwear, because she always wore baggy clothes in public and in front of her family so no-one would notice what she was doing. She was very sneaky about it and careful. I took pictures of her back where you could literally see her ribs all the way up to her shoulders. I showed them to her family and said she needed help and they did they what they could but now, about 11 years later she still struggles and is infertile and has a weak heart.
It's a horrible life OP but being skinny is too important to her.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (19 September 2012):
 She sounds a bit like my friend - when she was at uni in her first year she was a size 12, then her grandad died and she stopped eating, she lost so much weight and was a very small size 6. She would eat a handful of cereal for her dinner, it was so scary to see her get that thin. I think she knew deep down it wasnt healthy, but she got addicted to the weight loss and loved being skinny. Eventually, about 2 or 3 years later she saw a photo of herself, her arms looked awful and it finally clicked in her head that she didnt look good. She has gone up to an 8 now, she still doesnt eat much (when we were on holiday it was often 1 meal a day!) but she doesnt look as bad as she used to.
I dont think it is an eating disorder, it sounds more like my friend where she knows what she is doing, but she is actually enjoying the feeling of being skinny and is a little bit addicted to that feeling.
Is there any way you can get the contact details for her parents? Talking to them would be the best thing you could do, I'm sure they will have noticed her weight loss but if you tell them how little she is eating and how worried you are that might make them do something about it.
Is there a counsellor or service at Uni where you can talk to someone about this? They could give you advice on what to do, and perhaps get her course tutor to talk to her or keep an eye on her.
It is really tough when you are in this position, on one hand you want to tell them to eat more and sit and watch them do it, but in fact you could make them worse by telling her she is too skinny. I never said anything to my friend, at times I wanted to and I was very worried but I didnt want her to be angry with me or think I was just being nasty. Thankfully she saw that photo of herself and realised it was getting out of hand - I hope your friend has a similar moment of realisation.
In the mean time try and just be a supportive friend, and perhaps try and encourage her to see a doctor if she is feeling sick a lot (disguise it that way rather than saying she needs to see a doctor because she is too thin). It is possible for her to feel sick whenever she eats, but that is a medical problem that needs a doctor to sort out.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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