A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all 3 I have a few questions for you guys to consider.. any feedback is appreciated more than you know.Quick background: -I dated my best friend of 3.5 years for all of 4 months this past July-November. He's in the Marine Corps and is an amazing guy but things weren't working out.-He broke up with me and just changed his facebook status to "its complicated" about 5 days ago. I took the whole relationship status off completely because I didn't want people knowing my business and asking a million questions.-He is stationed in another state and it's impossible for us to visit. I never see him other than his leave, which he'll be home for in about 5 days now.-I found an amazing guy through a mutual friend. This guy is perfect and I have never felt so comfortable with anyone like this before. We talk often and have gone on a couple casual dates. My problems are these.. My ex will be coming home soon. I won't be seeing this other boy whom I'll call "Alex" until mid January just because of the way our distance/schedule is working out. My ex has now been trying to call and talk to me more and more in the past few weeks and I'm assuming it's either because he's catching wind of "Alex" or he thinks something is going to happen while he's on leave. I'm not the type of girl to do something when I'm not invovled with the person plus it's just going to make the whole situation so much more complicated. I'm afraid that when I see my ex, I'm going to get all the same feelings back (I've like him for as long as we've been friends). However, I don't want to do anything, not even a kiss, with him because even though "Alex" and I aren't together, I'd still feel guilty.Secondly, I'm just curious on people's opinions. "Alex" and I were fooling around after a night out and a couple of drinks. Things started getting pretty intense but I told him I wanted to wait to have sex. I really like this guy and don't want to rush into things. He was 100% ok with my decision and didn't pressure me, not one bit. My question: when do you guys feel it's appropriate to have sex with someone? Since I care about him and want a relationship, I feel we should wait awhile to make it more special. I know this sounds silly but it's so hard while we're in the moment to keep that thought in my head.Thanks guys for your time! Means so much!
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 December 2010):
 You wait until your ready to have sex. There is no specified or recommended time, but I do agree that you don't want to just jump into it, because that may lead to your relationship being based on sex and not much else.
You need to tell your ex that you have moved on. This is important, because you want this relationship with Alex. You also said this break up happened five days ago. I am a little worried that you have moved on and began dating and fooling around too quick. Are you sure, answer it this way. If I were standing in front of you and asked you to look me strait in the eyes and tell me if this was a rebound relationship, do you think you could answer "NO" to that question?
What are rebounds exactly. Well, part comes from the desire to be with someone, and part comes from wanting the being with someone be used to cope with the pain from loosing someone else. Some people drink to cope with a break up, some people find another warm body to be there, because attention on them takes their mind off of not being with the other one.
It is good that you want to wait on sex. How are you though? How are you doing since the breakup? i.e. are you still upset or do you still cry? You seem strong in your questions or answers, but no matter how strong you try to be, breakups are hard, and sometimes you need time to overcome a heart ache before bringing someone else into the picture.
I hope this helps. Take care.
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