A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Last night my boyfriend jokingly said "go find someone else then", but I didn't find it funny. We spent the evening together just hanging out, watching comedy on TV. At the end of the night he said lets go to bed. I said yeah and like waggled my eyebrows and snuggled up to him to suggest something fun might happen. He said, go to bed to go to sleep. I replied "boring" and he replied "go find someone else then ". We were having a decent night until then, I wasn't trying to pressure him or anything, it was all jokey, but jokes betray true feelings sometimes.I'm worrying that he has lost interest in me and what he said, even as a joke, makes me think he has. We've been together for 2 years. I noticed him seeming to be less into our relationship just before Christmas. I just feel that I am always the one who initiates everything from spending time together to sex. He seems less keen to be with me. But he still texts me all the time and tells.me he loves me. We have plans to move in soon. At the start of our relationship I had no doubt that he was into me, he perused me and made me feel very sure of his feelings.But now he always seems to be in a bad mood and is not bothered about doing much with me. It is always me making dates, unless I leave it a week or 2 then he will ask if I have plans.I am feeling quite down about it and I want to know where I stand. I make efforts to go to spend time with him and plan nice dates. He's told me he's going through stuff. Its the anniversary of people who died this weekend, so I can understand to a point. But this has been going on for a while now and it is realy getting to me. It'll break my heart if it's over, but if he doesn't want to be with me anymore, then the respectful thing is for him to talk to me about it.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (30 March 2019):
 Moving in together it not going to fix this. Things need to be right BEFORE you move in together.
In your shoes, I would ask him straight, "Do you actually WANT to be with me?" and then explain to him why you are asking. Tell him you feel you are the only one putting any effort into the relationship, that you don't feel he is actually bothered whether you are together or not. I would then say, "Unless we sort this out, I see no point in moving in together or even continuing this relationship".
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Honeypie. I'm going to see him tomorrow so hopefully we can talk thibgs through and work out what is going on.I've strangely just been given a month's notice by my landlord, so I need to find someone to share a flat or house with, as on my income I'd struggle to maje ends meet in a one bed place alone. My housemate here is moving to another country.So I am going to have to decide whether to move in with my boyfriend or to find another place for another 6 months or year.He has shown me care today when I told him that I have been given notice and he ssked to see me tomorrow. So hopefully things will improve. I don't want to force things if he doesn't want to get "serious" with me. But I need to know where I stand. I have to make big life choices soon. I'm also looking for a new job. It's all change...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 March 2019):
 DO NOT move in together until you two have talked this through and worked through it.
While I get that he might be dealing with grief and thus doesn't feel like putting much of an effort with you, long term that isn't going to work for either of you.
I think you two should, 1 talk. 2. decide if and how to move forward and that 3. you need to stop pulling the ENTIRE relationship.
If he is having problems dealing with grief maybe he needs to talk to a counselor about it. Just neglecting you isn't really going to help him OR you move forward.
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