A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, quick question. Lately I've feel that my bf has been growing distant and he tells me that when I am away he's indifferent to the relationship but when I am with him he loves me. well lately he's been (I feel) not treating me with respect and he tends to say negitive things all the time. For example: When I was telling him about wanting to get into the college of my dreams I happened to mention that 1.) it's kind of far and 2.) It's really hard to get into. Now when ever I talk about getting into this college he makes a negitive comment about how I might not get in. He tends to have increased the negative comments about calling me a dummy, treating me condescendingly and not wanting to be close.Another thing is that lately I feel he's been hanging out with his friends more and more. I work, volunteer, and I go to summer school while he doesn't even have a job. Lately I've tried to end it but ever time I do he does something that makes me like him again. Or he blames me for not wanting to work through the issues.To be fair he's not all bad. He's been there when I needed him. I've never really had that many boyfriends and this is my second serious boyfriend. Anyways. I want people's opinion on what should be done. Should I try and work harder or should I just leave him alone? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 May 2011):
 You want to get into improve your circumstances and get into college. He should be thrilled that you have this ambition and the motivation to make it happen.He's not happy as he lacks your drive to succeed and is afraid you will surpass him in life. (hint (1) yes, stay on course and you will survive him and go on to surpass him.)He is unsupportive and tries to put you down. This demonstrates to me that he is very insecure and recognises that you ARE more capable than him. (hint (2) yes, he's trying to bring you down to his level by denigrating you and undermining you)Now he has started spending more time with his guy friends. This tell me that relationship has run it's course, in his mind, but he does not want to tell you. Because you are still emotionally available to him. So you are still useful to him. (Hint (3) love is not a case of just 'love the one you are with, at the time'. He is admitting that when he is not with you that his interest is waning. That's not how love works. When you love a person you still love them when absent, whether they are 2 minutes away or 2 days away.)When you try to leave he mounts a new campaign to keep you from leaving.Class.He knows you are way out of his sphere.(hint (4) he knows he is on a good thing for him, and he does not want to a have to go a look for a new Gf because That would mean he would have to smarten up his act.This guy is taking you for granted, undermining you and not supporting you, but attempting to manipulate you to his own advantage, whenver he senses that you want to leave.Yes, I think you should let him have more time with his friends. Lots of time. And you should concentrate on your studies to try to get into the college of your choice.Well done that you do volunteer work. You sound capable and I wish you well for the future.There will be some challenges as you get through the emotional attachment you still feel for this guy.Deal with it by being extra nice to you. Get your hair done. Reconnect with girl friends who are supportive of your ambitions.Don't be in a hurry to get a new boyfriend. Instead take stock of you and all your good qualities. And think about the qualities that you do need in a guy.Do not listen to any denigration from him after you do break from him. And do not be manipulated by him after the break up. Expect him to try hard to tell you why you should relent and take him back. But remind yourself of the cavalier attitude he had when he was 'with' you.Good luck for the future. .
A
female
reader, lysha  +, writes (29 May 2011):
 aaw hun i feel so sorry for you, this must be really hard!talk to him and tell hi exactly how you feel about the way he has been acting towards you, make it clear to him that he is going to loose you if he carries on this way and if he loves you he will get his act together!about college, he may just be upset with the fact you will be going so far away, this isnt any excuse for how he is treating you though, because he is upsetting you in the process, i say this because my boyfriend is going into the army and im proud of him but im not showing it because im scared he may get hurt and also i will barely see him and its upsetting so i dont put much interest into it and can be quite rude/:you need to try get him either into college or a job, he needs a motive in life,hope this has helped:)
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