A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help, im a 16 yr old girl with a 19 yr old boyfriend. i am emotionally drained. we have been together 2 months and he i really think he is losing his mind. i want to lay out many different point and jus get clarity here, please tell me im not crazy, i think i possibly am being abused ='(1. he told me he loved me before we were even dating and continues to tell me every single day about 20+ times a day and gets very upset if i dont say it. he cries or gets angry if i dont and i end up saying it jus to get him to stop. sometimes i do mean it, but thats when we have intimate moments and i see a different side of him which is very sweet and very charming.2. he always has to know where i am and is very paranoid about me being with friends. he calls and txts constantly and becomes very upset if i do not answer within a reasonable time period.3. he has thrown things and punched walls when we get into arguments but i have never witnessed it, he has done this while we were fighting over the phone. his family has confirmed his anger and there are very noticeable holes in his door.4. he yells at his mom if she tries to step in when he is upset. like realllllly yells, screams at her saying "you know not to mess with me when i get like this"5. he is very aggressive in bed. he chokes me, pulls my hair, bites me, and has recently said "im going to rape you, hurt you like any way i want" and proceeded to make me gag and says things like "im going to hit you until you bruise, i want you to pass out" and has left me in physical pain after sex for quite a few days but continues to tell me he loves me during and after sex and always apologizes and comforts me6. whenever a boy texts me he becomes very tense and says things like "old friend?" or "so whos kevin?" with this look of pure hate in his eyes and his voice7. he takes me out all the time, buys me things, treats me like a princess. 8. he wants to make it clear to every guy that im his and threatens to hurt anyone who looks at me9. i tried leaving and he said "no. how bout that? you cant. im gonna make u stay. youre stuck. end of story." and i said you cant do that. he replied "i love the way u make me. what u do to me. i can be aggressive and forceful. not a push over"10. he sometimes says he is not worth living and i deserve better. he says he cant treat me right. he threatens suicide sometimes and says he can see why people kill themselves bc life is "full of drama"11. he has been in anger management but ex gf's speak highly of him12. he does not drink smoke or do drugs and says i cant unless hes there (even tho i never have)13. he never insults me. always says im beautiful, amazing, etc14. expressed recent concern in my clothes. "all your clothes are see thru" or "why do u always have to look amazing when u go out"15. always thinks im with other guys or that i will "find someone betterr"im so drained at this point idk who i am anymore what do i do please help am i crazy
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): You are in an awful situation, and I am sorry you are feeling so bad. No, you are not crazy. You are just exhausted to the point of not being able to think clearly.
I'm not sure what it is exactly you are asking here, so I will just give you my opinion on what you have described. I think your boyfriend is very unstable. And I think he is not a safe person to be in a relationship with. I was once in a relationship with someone similar to your boyfriend, and it is extremely draining. It can also be quite scary. It may not seem easy to leave, as people like this tend to manipulate and blackmail you into staying with them.
But I really do think it would be best to get out of the relationship right away. I am really concerned for your safety, both physical and psychological. I know it must all be so confusing for you right now, so I really do think you need to get away from him and cut off contact. With time your clarity will return, and you will hopefully be able to see exactly what is going on here.
Is there anyone you can reach out to for help and support? Like family, friends, anyone at all? Feeling like you are alone in this will most likely make it even harder. Also, if this guy starts to become threatening towards you, or harasses you, contact the police. Tell people what is going on. But please do speak out about what is happening. Even if you cannot say exactly what has been going on, simply tell people that you no longer want anything to do with this guy, and ask for help in keeping him away.
Don't bother trying to explain anything to him: just go. Walk away. I am sure your head will be spinning and your emotions will be all over the place. But the longer you stay in this situation, the worse it will become. So start to take back your life and yourself now. You are not obligated to be with this guy. You owe him nothing. His feelings are not your responsibility. Your priority right now must be yourself. I hope you are okay, please take care of yourself. x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): In point ten you (or he) said it all:
"he sometimes says he is not worth living and i deserve better. he says he cant treat me right. he threatens suicide sometimes and says he can see why people kill themselves bc life is "full of drama""
He knows he cannot treat you right. In fact, from your description, I'm a afraid he may have some serious mental trouble and - believe me - you or your relationship with him will not cure that. He needs professional help.
Let go of him, find someone who will treat you well, let you be free to see you friends, lets you dress the way you want and who makes love to you but does not brutalize you in bed.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 July 2010):
He is physically abusing you, and he's destroying you. You need to leave. NOW. Tell your family, tell your friends and get away from him. Get away NOW.
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