A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:She and I have been friends for over a decade. Great friends. I also have been in love with her for a large part of that friendship. I kept my feelings a secret because I never wanted to lose what I had. She dated what used to be my best friend, got engaged to him, broke up too. She ended up getting married to a man she was with when she was a kid. I told her I was happy for her (I was). I went to her wedding (one of the hardest days of my life).Fast forward- I slept with her last October. We were drunk. I was also a virgin (which I never told her. I actually lied to most people about this due to my age). It didn't last long and I stopped things being drunk/ also no condom. I told her I was okay with being casual (she divorced her husband, and got back together casually with my ex-best friend). Xbf doesn't know about us. She got really distant on me recently and it hurt me a lot. I got angry I thought I wanted her gone from life. I told some of our mutual friends that and it may have got back to her. Also I probably came on pretty strong because I was a virgin/in love with her.I can't stop thinking about her and can't bare the thought of her not being in my life, regardless of what my role is to her. I've called left messages, no response. Sent email, nothing yet. The Questions: Do I tell her that I love her? Do I leave her alone until she comes to me or do I do whatever it takes till she'll listen to me?
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best friend, broke up, condom, divorce, drunk, engaged, got back together, my ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pgissyd  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 er... so she is dating this guy? and divorced from another? You are in love with her but dont have the guts to tell her, you have really upset her and maybe made her hate you, You liedbout being a virgin, even though your only in your early 20's and its perfectly acceptable.
Phew 'what tangled webs we weave, when firat we earn to decieve'.
Hun, you gotta tell this girl EVERYTHING. She has the right to know why you treated her this way, she deserves an appoligy most of all though.
So I suggest you start the convo with 'Im so sorry'.
Gve her a week or two to calm down, then go and see her, ask her out for a drink or lunch, tell her you need to talk and explain some stuff and appologise to her.
If you are sincere and calm, and prepared to wait for her to accept you are sorry, then you may just get through this. Be warned, she may well reject you, but at least she will understand, aand you will have a huge weight off your mind.
If she falls into your arms, wondering why you never told her ten yars ago, great! treat her with respect and never lie to her again. If she rejects you, then you will know you can move away from this obsession and work on meeting new women, after all there are billions of them on this planet!
Hope that gives you the kick start your asking us for. take care, I hope it comes out well for you and her.
xxxxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): Well if it was me, I would give it a couple of weeks, but if nothing happened i would try and get in touch with her. If you know where she lives, go round and just have a chat. Let her know that you tresure her friendship dearly and don't want to lose that. If she agrees that she still wants to be friends with you, you could tell her that you have feeling for her as long as you make it clear that you don't mind how well recieved the news is and that you don't want it to get in the way of your friendship.
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