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female
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anonymous
writes: i've been in a long relationship but think i've out grown my partner! i've met someone else who recently started work with me.(i'll call him X) it was very much an instant attraction and it has led to much more to the point X is all i want! but X is married with child!!X tells me he's unhappy at home aswell.please help me to make the right decision,because i do still care very deeply for my partner but its not love anymore,i've totally fallen in love with X. my head is a mess and i cant concentrate on anything these days. every thought is always on X!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2006): Either way get over it, If your not in love with your husband then let him go. Give him the opportunity to find something better himself if you truely don't want him. I speak from experience on this.
If I were your husband, I would prefer you end it with me before dinking around with someone else. God knows what you could take home with you and give to your husband if you decide to try and have your cake and eat it too.
Listen up honey. If your really serious about taking Mr.X out for a spin then be sure you have your house of cards in order before the whole thing collapes on top of you...
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (4 October 2006):
 Forgetting X, if you don't want to be with your partner you should leave him as it's not fair on him staying with him when he could be free to find someone that does love him and see a future with him.
When it comes to X you have to realise right now you are a mistress and most married men tell their mistresses that they are not happy at home etc but this doesn't mean he will leave his wife, they have to give the right lines to keep the mistress there in hope of something someday, although this situation maybe different but if he is to leave his wife he also needs to do it because he doesn't want to be with her not because of you.
He could be different to most married men in this situation but if he isn't he either won't leave her or how long before he is with you and there is another mistress behind your back?
Good luck :o)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): "Tes" = "Yes"... 8/
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): To the point: time to move on with your own life. Life is about experimentation, experiences, and creating oneself - and not about finding oneself.
You've given yourself and him some time, thus far, it doesn't look like it will progress. You can either A) continue to give the relationship more time and effort, possible even encourage him to progress with you and by himself, or B) you can tell him that it's time for you to explore the rest of the world, and see what it can offer you.
Tes, it's a risk, but it's a positive risk. It's possible, you may never again meet some that cares about you as much as he does, but who knows? That is what life is about. [wink]
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): X is nothing but trouble.
X could be the beginning of much pain for all of you.
If he's unhappy at home let him tell his poor wife and mother of his child, let them sort it out. You being in the picture won't help.
Can I suggest that what you feel for your current long term partner is in fact love. The kind of love that happens when two people have been together for a long while.
What you feel for X is infatuation, newness feels very exciting but it too wears off.
How wonderful can this man be if he is about to cheat on his wife, his greatest attributes if that happens is that he lies to women and hurts them. If he does it to her he'll do it to you.
Work on your own relationship, find the spark again, at least tell the man you are about to hurt that you are confused and troubled, he knows you well, you have a shared history, he deserves to know you are about to wreck his peace. Maybe you'll discover what 'caring for someone deeply' really means.
I wish you well
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