A
male
 ,
*enny
writes:I think i have finally found my soulmate. I do a class at my gym, been doing it for about a year now. Our instructor arranged a fitness holiday in july to Turkey. On the holiday i got really friendly with girl from our class and we really hit it off. On the last day we shared a kiss. Since we have been home we have been on nights out, meals, walks along the seafront. And we always end up back at the car and end up kissing and cuddling, and the kissing is amazing, like i have never felt before. We both admitted the other week that we really missed our kisses when we have not seen each other. The thing is we still call each other friends. We have both had relationships in the past that have ended badly and we are both shall we say have commitemnt issues. When we are together its amazing, we kiss for absolutely ages, we talk and text all the time. I feel that there is a future in this relationship, think she does too. She said she does not like pushy guys, so i tend to hold back and play a little hard to get, or make myself unaivailable sometimes, which i hate doing, but i think its making her keener. Is this the right approach, i fancy this girl bigtime. Any help would be greatly apreciated.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 September 2012):
 You don't seem to really know her well, nor does she know you. So my advice to you is to not rely too much on the "soulmate" idea of this relationship. Don't glorify her, she's probably not pre-destined to be with you. If she was, then there'd be no need for all these games, all this pretence, would there?
You're faking who you are to keep her keen. Maybe it works to "reel her in", but if you and her are soulmates all of this should be unecessary really. That's why I say, drop the soul mate idea.
You're flirting with a girl who is hard to get, and I think it's time you get real and are honest about who you are and what you want. You're not a committment phone. Maybe you thought you were, maybe none of the other girls were right for you. But this one feels right, and you want to take it to the next level and committ. That's not being pushy. That's being open and honest about your intentions. If she can't handle that, is she really the one for you?
Think about how long you are willing to fake your real interests and pretend to be unavailable, when she most likely isn't playing a game, and might actually not be that interested in you.
You can keep playing games... or you can be honest. By being honest you risk hearing that she isn't interested in the same as you, but you can't have a relationship with her either unless you are honest about wanting one.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 September 2012):
 well I suck at this but, I'll tell you what I would do...
you like her A LOT
she likes you A LOT
you both have clearly talked about being afraid to get hurt again.... (a good thing)
do NOT label it.... heck my father is with his partner 17 years and I still sometimes don't know how to introduce her to people... I made something up.... she's my QSM (my quasi step mother as except for the paper she is all a mom and wife should be)
when you introduce her to others is when you have to worry but for a while just say "this is her name
and just go with the flow... enjoy her... let her enjoy you.. and see what happens.....
and TELL HER (one day in a few weeks or months...after nice kissing and dinner and such) that you are very happy and you hope she is too and while you are not asking her to give up anything or anyone you would like her to know that YOU have stopped seeing other people...... you're not asking her to stop till she is ready but you are letting her know how you feel...
...............................
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