A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I still like this guy that i used to date, even though i have a boyfriend. Things havent been going that well with me and my boyfriend lately. When the guy i used to date found out that i had another boyfriend, he called me and asked if i was in love with him. Once, when i was in a bar with him and my boyfriend, they were arguing over me. When i saw the guy i used to date a couple of weeks ago again when i was with my boyfriend, he asked my boyfriend how he was, and when my boyfriend told him that it was his birthday, he told my boyfriend to enjoy himself. I spoke to him on my own later on. He asked if my boyfriend was treating me well. I told him that we had had some ups and downs and he said "well, i heard you were kissing a lot the other day". He also said "well, you look happy enough". I saw him again yesterday. He was stood outside a pub smoking. As i was walking towards him, he waved and he turned his head away from me, and i could see he was smiling. We both went in the pub and had a chat. He asked where my boyfriend was and we had a chat about what we had both been up to. I went to get some drinks from the bar, for me, him and one of his friends. He went to the bar with me to help me carry the drinks. Later on, my mum and brother came into the pub. He knows my mum, but he hadn't seen my brother before. When my mum and brother walked out of the pub, he was outside having a smoke again and i saw him shake hands with them. I was still inside the pub, looking out of the window. Do you think it meant anything, him shaking hands with them? He had only seen my mum briefly once before. Just before we left the pub, another man that he knew came over. The man was asking me questions about myself, and he said he fancied me and asked me if i wanted to go to another pub with him for a drink. I heard the guy i was dating say "no" quietly, and then he said "let's go" to me. The other guy asked how long i had known the guy i used to date and the guy i used to date told him how long it had been. The other guy said "well, i haven't seen you here before", to me, and the guy i used to date said "i've been keeping her hidden from you". He also said "i want to keep her away from you" and i joked by saying "we're running away", to the other guy. The guy i was dating said "yeah, we're running away".When we were in another pub, someone asked if we were dating each other, and he said "no, we're friends. She is courting (seeing someone)". He asked me to go back to his place with him, so i did. We watched a film. As we were watching the film, he lay on the couch and i was sat up. He asked me to lie down next to him, but i didn't. He also put his hand up my top and he was stroking my back. I pushed his hand away and i said "i thought we were friends" and he said we were. I didn't really want to push his hand away, as i still like him, and i didn't want to give him mixed signals, but i couldn't cheat on my boyfriend, no matter how much i like the guy i used to date. It's so confusing. Obviously, i still like to hang out with him, as i still like him. Do you think he still likes me? I'm not sure whether he would want to go back out with him though, or if he would just want a fling. He also said once "I don't know what to say to you, because you are courting" and one of his friends said he still talks about me to him.
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female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (28 September 2012):
 Here is what your story boils down to. If you don't like the guy you are currently dating, then you need to break up with him. If you want to date your old boyfriend, then ask him out. However, don't assume he'll say yes just because he was being cordial to you and your family at a bar. Also, don't sit and obsess over every word and action of other people because there is absolutely no way to figure out if their words and actions mean anything unless you ask them.
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