A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Confused, pissed and frustrated. I can't stop feeling angry over boyfriend not helping me co-sign for an apartment. We have been together 10 years. Lived together for 5 years, 3 years lived in my own apartment(we do better with a little space between us) but still would see each almost daily/nightly. Last couple years, lived with my mom because he moved for work and the economy. He wanted me to move near him. I have/was trying for the last year to get work near him which did not work out, he was actually pissed at me when it did not work out. I make more where I am w my own business. Since he did not want me living with him in his new house while I got established in a new area I cannot not afford or trust him to be there for me. He said he would help me w an apartment there, but he knows I will not make a decent living. I need to take care of myself. I have been there for him for everything, took care of him after numerous surgeries, sexually, always had his back, put up with too much of his manly activities. When living with him, a couple times he was out of work and I paid more than my half of rent to help him out. Always paid rent, my own food etc...Helped him moved a couple of times for work, travel to see him. He has been living long distance for a year, we manage to still see each other once a month for 5 days. I do most of the traveling he came up last time. Over the years I learned to not expect too much from him, he has broken a promises along the way. I did/do expect him to be there for me as a friend and reciprocate just a little, when I rented with him and had my own place I never missed a payment...He came up last week and has been telling me he would help me out even though I was staying, meaning he would co sign, to make it easier, because i am self employed, my credit is fair, it would just make it easier I would not have to pay extra costs. He lives in a new house,has a new sports car, makes 3 times more than me, and he will not do this. I have never not went through with any promises in our relationship. Feels like a slap in the face. We were at the apartment rental community where I wanted to rent, I thought we were going through with it and he changed his mind last minute. His reasoning was , "what if i got pissed at him"???, I told him if he's planning on being a dick soon forget it. So now I am planning on renting somewhere not as nice or convenient, and paying extra costs. We are compatible enjoy each other, but I am thinking of breaking it off w him. I can never depend on him ...sorry so long. thanks in advance:[
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (29 October 2010):
 After 10 years, it's hard to imagine him changing. I think what you've seen of him is pretty much who he is. I'm not going to tell you that you should dump him, I'll just ask you to ask yourself "Is this who you want to spend your life with?".
He is being very selfish, and he clearly does not trust you. Also, from what you've said, I don't see how you can trust him. The choice is yours....
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 October 2010):
 He sounds awfully selfish to me. I support your thoughts of breaking it off. It sounds like all give on your end and all take on his. You were bound to get worn out.
Before you walk out, sit him down and talk to him. Tell him you need him to listen carefully and tell him how he's making you feel. He may be oblivious to how much he's hurting you. I can't really see how that could be, but sometimes people that are very selfish don't see how their behavior affects the people around them.
It would be a shame to give op on a 10 year relationship, but it would also be a shame to continue being miserable.
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