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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I am writing because I have a huge problem and need some advice! I have been suffering for the past weeks lack of sleep and anxiety. I am 41 years old, 10 years married, no children, living over seas since 2002 in a country where my husband´s family live. Since I have came here we have been renting a house, now my husband want´s to buy or build a house for us. But many problems with his parents health, he hasn´t found a stable job nor try to open a small business to have a peacefull life together. I really believe that with all his problems and the ones I have cause him because I haven´t twice not wanted to but a property, this time maybe he can solve all his unsecurities buy hold on to a house. I am not sure if I can go on with this because my plan is to try it for a year (2007) or so by finally having a house and if his personal problems doesn´t resolve I think that I should divorce him and leave him the house! By planning this, I will take of my back many problems I have cause him during ten years. Before he married me he left his job, he lived in my home country from 1998-2002. I believe that he will be happy if I will give him the house. He is a very difficult person to talk to, he thinks that I have the problems and not him. I know that I will not do the right thing, but for my soul it will be the best and to release both of us of a relationship that is like a tight "friendship" and a "have to be marriage". Thanks!
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male
reader, AvocadoMilkTea +, writes (11 July 2006):
 The words with the poster below is one perspective, but as I grew up around people with a slew of problems through dating and marriage, I can see otherwise. Just because two people are together, certified by the state that they're married, doesn't mean they are compatible with each other. So in this case, if your husband continuously blames you for all the problems he's had (which I still quite doubt), then I suggest you leave him. I suggest you leave him not because you are the cause of his problems. I suggest you leave him because it's causing a lot of sorrow and grief for you.
Just keep everything clean and cut. Try not to leave without all of your baggage (metaphor). Be free and see what you can do to help rebuild your own confidence and soul.
Love yourself, and set yourself free.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): Wait. How can you believe that after him sacrificing for your love; that "letting" him buy a house so you can have him keep it will make things better. How can you believe that this is fairer to him?
It does not sound like he is even comptemplating a divorce; it sounds like he is devoted to you and wants to spend the rest of his life making you happy and being happy with you.
Divorce is an option but is it the wisest one? I am thinking it is more the "easy" option.
Whatever happened to GET MARRIED, STAY MARRIED. Does anyone listen to the vows anymore?
What about the through sickness and in health, through good times and bad times, for richer and poorer? You were there and you vowed to keep this and live this with him- the man you chose to love and spend the rest of you life with.
I believe you will have more peace and more happiness if you stick it out to the bitter end.
I think that you can offer your advice to your husband and in the end, he makes a decision and you are to support him. This is part of the marriage vows you and him took.
You decided that it would be a "have to be marriage".
You know, you have in you the power to mend your marriage. You have the power to change your outlook on life. You have the power by doing what you will to make him happy; and in so doing, you will find that you are happiest when he is happy.
I want to challenge you to do something. For two months, you keep in mind the things that make him happy and then do them. So have his favorite meals on the table. Massage his feet. Tell him you love him and tell him stories of how you came to love him. Share with him your happiest moments in life and then ask him to do so. LISTEN to him. Be his bestfriend. Be the woman he loves. Treat him like a King. Give and sacrifice to make him happy. Don't cheat you or him in the two months.
Then come back to me and let me ask you some questions and we will see what you think.
I know you still love him; just start focusing on all the good you have and do with one another and see how this changes how you feel about him. Remember that you love him and chose to be with him.
Love. Love. Love. Love.
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