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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for six years, i am now 21. Recently we have been going through a bad patch (about a month now) and i've been at uni so have had a chance to see theres more to life than struggling with a bad relationship.on the other hand, i believed we were soulmates, destined to be together. i know you may think this was naive, but we were truly very very happy. We'd both told little lies and during our teenage years made silly mistakes but nothing massive. I still love him, but after this rocky patch and his mistake (speaking to a girl from the internet and texting etc secretly) and my mistake (flirting with guys and almost kissing someone) it seems irrepairable. we both came clean about our lies, and this must mean something? I'm not sure if i feel the same about him anymore, the feelings have changed. He still depserately wants me back but i feel i have moved on from the life we used to share as teenagers. I still love him, but is that enough in this case?I'm scared i'll get hurt again, and i'm scared i'll make the wrong decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2006): I'm also going through a similar thing at the moment, and have been going back and forth for a few weeks wondering whether to stay with my man. However, I've finally made the decision that it's not going to work out. I believe that if someone is The One, then you'll know - there won't be any 'Is he? / Isn't he?' debate going on. If you're not sure, then it's not right.
I totally agree with the anonymous poster above who says that it sounds like you may be staying with him because it's the comfortable thing to do. Relationships are very easy things - you always have someone to talk to, someone to listen to your problems, and someone to hang out with most weekends. Facing the reality of single life is HARD (and it gets harder as you get older, unfortunately!). BUT no WAY should you stay with someone for that reason alone. It's scary but not so awful that it shouldn't be done. Far worse to be trapped in an unhappy relationship than free to meet Mr Right.
Good luck with it. Let us know how you get on.
A
female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (20 March 2006):
 ok well first off yes love is essential but communcations and sharing values are also so important in a relationship, and i think if all of these are well balanced in a relationship then we have a successful relationship but really lets get with reality all relationships are going to go through a rough patch once in a awhile sometimes it can come to breaking point but if the relationship is strong enough and you sit and talk and work through it together there is always the good chance things will work out , but if both people in the relationship dont make that effort or put in then this is not a strong relationship. as we get older we want to try new experiences and i think that you are wanting somethin new ,we also change as we get older and you are changing and so is your boyfriend, i think if you both put 100% into this relationship and try and share new experences together things will get better, yes you have been hurt but talk about it with him, agree to put it in the past i know its hard i had the same thing happen in my relationship but talk and just doing that alone will help so much, prove it to each other that your trustworth and commited, dont go flirting or email other people and lying and all that childish crap take a step forward in your relationship as adults, and just keep in mind that person is not always going to be there and once there gone there gone, your lucky you have meet your soul mate very young please dont let go of that just over some stupid mistakes you both made.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2006): Im going through something like this myself right now. Its hard sometimes to think of what life will be like without that person but you have to ask yourself, are you really in love or are you staying with him out of comfort? I only ask this because you say your feeling like you have moved on. Maybe you are soul mates but maybe you should think about whether its in a friends way. In regards to the silly mistakes you may both realize that you might want something more and are passively trying to end the relationshop without having to make a big step (He might be more hesistant because your are making steps in your life, University, and is he doing the same?). Dragging it out will only ruin your chances of a great friendship. I hope this advice helps. Good luck.
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