A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, my boyfriend broke up with me back in around april, we had been together for years! I was so hurt and heartbroken. I started hanging out with a guy and around like the third week we were already talking about dating. I wanted to move on from my previous relationship and try something new. Try being with a new guy. The new guy really made me feel great. We always talked, did crazy things, he treated me great. It just didn't seem like it was going to work. Well about 3 or 4 months later, I started talking to my ex again. We were just friends and he was kind of giving me relationship advice with the new boyfriend.He asked if I was in love with the new boyfriend. I told him yeah! It was crazy too cause I always told myself you couldn't fall in love with someone that fast! But I did! Well the next night I went and was talking to my boyfriend ( the one I had just started dating a couple months back ) And he was saying how him and his friend were talking the night before about me. And his friend asked him if he was in love with me. Well he told his friend yes! Okay well to make a long story short. We had both told each other we love each other and all. But not long after that I broke up with him. I ended up back with my ex-boyfriend. I was still always talking to the guy that I had only dated a few months. I always wanted to go hang out with him and would go straight to him when me and my boyfriend would fight or something. I finally stopped talking to my ex and everything. Its been a few months now and I still can't get him out of my head. I dream about him all the time. I know its crazy for me to have fallen in love with him in only 3 months, but I can't stop thinking about how much I miss him and everything. My boyfriend and I now talk about marriage and family and all. I just don't know what to do cause I still feel like I'm in love with the other guy. And I can't talk to my boyfriend about it because the situation with me and my ex has caused us many problems recently and I told my boyfriend that I never think about him because I know its wrong. I try not to think about him and all but I just can't help but miss him like crazy. I'm really in love with my current boyfriend and would love to marry him and be with him, I just feel really guilty for missing my ex so much and still feel like I should be with him. I don't know though. I just don't know what to do. By the way, my ex is 1500 miles away from me right now. But he's always calling and texting talking about how much he misses being able to talk to me and stuff. I don't want to miss him so much, but I do and I can't help it! What do I need to do?
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female
reader, MsClara  +, writes (4 December 2010):
It is very possible to love more than one person at a time, and it's very possible to fall in love in 3 months. I think you need to ask yourself why you got back with the first guy in the first place? and whether you are really considering getting back with the second guy.
You say that you're happy with your boyfriend now, and that things are serious with you two. Do you think you're scared that things are too serious? I mean the idea of building a life with someone is sometimes scary.
I don't know what I'd do in your case. Only your gut instinct can tell you that, but consider whether you and guy number two actually could have a future, and then consider if you are willing to give up the man that you love and plan to marry for it.
You obviously had a connection with this guy and he made you feel good about yourself, and that's a hard thing to find, so it's natural that you miss him. He was a friend and a boyfriend and it's impossible to shut off feelings no matter how much we want to. You could ask your ex-bf to stop contacting you. I mean what can come of this only longing and trouble in your current relationship.
You should think hard about what you really want.
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